You've sTabbED me uNknoWingly & i rEfusE to BlamE you

2007-08-21T03:21:00.000+08:00

Time check 0321hrs...and yes i'm still up as per norm...Chalet was fine and fun...had lotsa laugh until at night cannot sleep..funny sia..crazy ppl....Anyway, for those who had texted me, thank u all for all the wishes...Those who had came to the chalet...Thanks for the time...And for those who gave me presents, Thanks for the gifts...

After the chalet was quite a torture with so many things to bring home..haha! really many things to bring home...and presents too...took a cab back...me,naz and nazeer...we called a cab and shared..then this apek taxi want to find fault..he said that my house would be the last if he was going thru changi rd..well, in actual fact, mine should be the first..not because of the fact i had many things to carry....But it was so clear that he passed by my house first...duno y he said it has to be the last house...Mr Teo, Mr Teo...haha! Tts his name btw..saw it as i was in the front passenger seat..haha!

Got home, texted ppl...disturb ppl, then flat til abt 6plus...rabak mann..mata koyak...woke up, ate rice, then ate loads of chocolates..I received alot of chocolates...and i'm so gona get fat finishing the chocolate...haha!

RT tml...or rather later...ergh...it's really unfair tt i have to attend it...might as well i dun take ippt the other day..at least i dun have to go for RT...rubbish mann...ergh...!!!! They should be reasonable mann..seriously..tts wad many ppl feel...

Did i mention that someone is coming over to GL? Hafiz was talking abt it yestd at the chalet..And he seemed unhappy with it...hmmmmm...(raises eyebrow)...and this liana was asking me to transfer over to Team C and let tt new person go over to Team Alpha..haha!Sesuka je kau Liana...And Hafiz told me yestd that he has stopped drinking for a mth already...Haha! yeah..we were talking about it cos Jumari gave me a bottle of Blue Sapphire as a bdae present...so, suddenly the topic abt drinking came up and i told Hafiz that i had stopped drinking for some time already..

And yesh...tanx to those helpers at my chalet..haha! Mail and An, for helping to bbq the stuffs...Naz, the organiser....Mok, the _____(i duno how to say it la)...okla, i ought to get some sleep at least...Good morning ppl!

happy bdae to me!

2007-08-19T12:31:00.000+08:00

first and foremost....This goes out to someone eh...so, here goes....

HAPPY BDAE TO Munir, ayam and myself eh...

Haha! and so, yestd i felt super tired eh, but couldn't sleep..Got up at i can't remember wad time, then met naz at tamp..this is the funny part...She told me to meet her at Blk 126 and i head blk 136...When i reach, then call her and told her that 136 is Town council sia..haha! and she laughed her head off...nonsense...

Izhar picked me up there and then off we went to draw the key to the chalet..Da draw the key, went to take a look at the chalet and the more appropriate place to park, which would be by the road side...From there, hurried down to Izhar's mum's shop at Ubi...Whilst on the way, i got a surprise..handphone rang to the msg tone...and i was shocked to see wad i saw la eh...but i shall not go into details...back to story...

From izhar's mum's stall, went to onan road to buy their accessories,then to sheng shiong to buy sayur eh...haha! at tt period in time, we were in muk's car cos izhar left us at onan road to go n take water dispenser from his bro...then we met izhar back at his mum's stall after shopping....then izhar said he wanted to pick his girl up at botanic gardens and i was meeting someone whom i have not met or even talked to for a very long time at ct hall at 1900hrs...so, we went to pick another of shahnaz's fren to waste time cos it was too early for us..haha!

Met someone at abt 645 i think...headed to marina.. there were so many ppl i tell u...i cant tahan mann...but i had to la..haha! then find a spot at marina..and boom...the fireworks...which got me thinking..i did not catch the fireworks this year sia..haha! and to think that i was actually lazy to go n c the fireworks when my sister asked me this morning..haha! but in the end, there i was watching the fireworks...monkey doo..haha!

There,met quite a number of ppl...Went off at about 2230hrs...there were still alot of ppl but not as much as when the fireworks just ended..it was still breathable and moveable at tt time...took a train, alighted Kallang..mail then pick me up from there and we headed to shahnaz's chalet...stayed awhile until i fell asleep on the chair...haha! tired wad...so, decided to go back...reach home, took a bath and attempted to sleep...of course, which i feel like i cant..as per norm la tu...haha!

Anyway, to that someone whom i met earlier...I wana thank u for the gift, although i dint expect it..Dint even expect a call from you...And i'm sorry about wad has happened to u and ur supposedly other half..I dint know u guys ended things, but i knew that u guys were going thru the rough side of the r'ship...But cheer up ok..Dun brood about it too long..I think it's about time u move on..Hard, but try ok...And yeah, tanx for meeting up with me...

2007-08-15T01:26:00.000+08:00

Time check 0130hrs...and i just got back...No, not from work..on long leave now...well, was out to do all the necessary to my car and it's good..although i think i spent alot on it...Finances will sure run out of plan..and it's not good...and there's more that i want to do ok..haha!

Anyway, i know it's kinda late, but i watched the simpsons just now..it was damn funny la eh...funnily stupid..haha! And please dun ask abt my IPPT ok...i still feel down tt i couldn't complete it..haiz...

and now, tt splitting headache is back..ergh! sucks...okla..shall update more when i feel better...

haha!

2007-07-26T03:33:00.000+08:00

past few mths was hell...tts all i got to say...

Cig price has gone up and so has my smoking..i can like finish more than a pack a day....*smacks forehead*..No wonder i keep falling sick...but wad the heck..i dun give a damn abt my life anymore mann...

I been giving yan the cold shoulder..there are many things i realised abt yan along the way...i cant go on anymore this way..how do i tell it to u???

Been out with naz,nazeer and mail alot of late...almost everyday meeting up and i'll be back til late..cos i cant be bothered at home anymore..but i'd call mum and check on things though...cant leave my mum alone..and know wad???I MISS MY MUM...although i'm home now...

Mail said sth shocking to me tt day..I dint see it coming u know...I really dint...Although naz had already told me before hand..it totally slipped my mind tt period of time..wad u think naz??? And i can see u all smiling these days...Are u ever goin to tel nazeer about tupai babe?I duno...

Ouh yeah..i forgot...the past few days been meeting up with sec sch mates...either coinceidentally or planned...mostly is by coincidence..cos now they know mail...see mail, will call me..then turn and see naz and nazeer there too...

To someone...if u r disappointed with me since then, y did u allow me to return after tt???were u sincere or not in tt period of time? I duno..I really don't..I'm really sorry to hear abt wad's been goin on in ur life now.. I so much want to intefere, but i have no rights now..I am nothing to u now am i?? Well, wad can i do then although it hurts me seeing u the way u r...it still does...but wad can i do???there's nth i can do..u threw me away..although i'm still where u threw me, i doubt u will pick this rubbish up again right? U have always considered me as a nuisance in ur life since tt day right?but y can't u just tel me the truth?at least it wouldn't hurt tt much if u had told me..rather than me finding out on my own...I had always thought u'd be happier..and i have and will always pray for ur happiness...it's up to u whether u stil believe my words or not...in case u dun noe..i will still be here to listen to u if u need someone...i have always been here..the exact same place where u had thrown me away...

At Naz's crib

2007-07-18T04:05:00.000+08:00

time check is 0405hrs and i am here at naz's crib doin nth...just ate durian and there she is just behind me reading every single word as i type them out..Also not forgetting her giggling herself away...And yeah...did i mention tt she look freaking hot in the butterfly outfit???Haha! there, as requested by u...haha!

Anyway, off today, however, was called back to return to work cos of the stupid MPR...Have some proforma to do which, when i enquired, noone has done before..so i have to really be independent to figure out how to fill up the proforma...Zengs...

Met naz at her workplace at 2145hrs, ard there la...haha! then off we went to meet nazeer and mail at blk 42 chai chee..slacked awhile...then this liana called me asking me go q branch and meet her..and this yat is like forcing me cos he claim tt it's liana's last day...yeah, i mentioned in the previous posts tt she's leaving the force...Then...zoom, i met them there..chilled there until i got 'shoo' (word came from shahnaz) by robocop..lucky i finish washing my car ready..

called naz and haha! we met again..! ate durian, which i cant consume too much..sad, but true..me n naz are totally crazy today...first when we first met we suddenly became very hyper and talkative and nt forgetting rude to each other...sorry la babe..i'm sure u're reading this now as i type it out..haha! and yeah, when i met her the 2nd time we were like talking on the phone all the way until we nearly finished smoking..and we were actually smoking next to each other la eh...haha!

Ok, now i dunno wad else to say already...haha!bye!

good day

2007-07-16T02:05:00.000+08:00

well...night shift yestd..and was the in charge..first time...i duno how to describe how i felt mann...anyway, left work at 0845hrs and drove back feeling blank..the brain shut down already mann..reached home abt 0900hrs..bathe and sat and stared at the comp..sis was getting ready and so was bro, dad and mum..i somehow couldn't care less where they had wanted to go..i dint even ask mann..guess i was just too tired...i dint get to sleep at work...

Anyway,i finally fell asleep at abt 1300hrs while sms-ing nora and 'arguing' abt how heavy we weigh and comparing..she's getting married on the 29th btw...but i might not be able to go..it's my mrng shift mann..how to go seh...and hakim all asking me throw mc or sth so tt i can go...wad mann..i consider ok?haha!

And so i got up at 1730hrs...wanted to go back to sleep, then i realised my phone has died on me...and suddenly this sister of mine actually left me a voicemail..took my charger, charged the phone and then laze ard on the bed..called naz,as per norm..she's out with her sec sch frens..so i decided to laze ard somemore...few minutes later she called back..forced me out of bed and go meet her..okla..give face..

Picked her up at tamp with her frens then off to ecp..intended to eat there, but when we saw the condition there, decided to make a detour...so, off we went to Mak's place where i saw liana's bf...Saw him from far, told Mail, who then told me that he was looking at me..I just ignored and tried my best not to look into his direction..He must've recognised me after the incident he fought with liana and made liana cry so much..such an idiot...(no offence to liana)...Liana also told me to ignore him cos Liana told me that he had wanted to call me or confront me or sth like tt la..but i can't be bothered at all..

So, took a seat afterwhich was joined in by Nazeer, Muk and Mus...towards the end, one by one showed attitude,so i cant b bothered..I just lazy to say or do anything,also given the fact tt i was still tired..When wanted to part ways also all show attitude..I dint wana say much cos it's shahnaz's friends mann..i n Mail just kept quiet only..and so left me, naz, mail and nazeer...thot wanted to head home, but suddenly we made a detour to ecp..tts where we all had fun..took so much pix til when we wanted to send them we discovered there was abt 75 pix...wow! haha!

Apologies to Shahida..had to turn down ur movie offer..sorry beb...next time ok...I just reach ecp when u called sia..u should've called me earlier...OOOOOO...before i forget..saw nora's family at Mak's place..haha! and aishah was there too..She seems to be glowing now tt she's engaged..talked to her awhile...chat here and there, then she left with her fiance and fai was smiling away when both naz and me were disturbing aishah..wad la u fai..haha! paiseh ke..? haha!

I typed typed and typed and realise this is too long already..haha! ok la...bubbye..and yes, i so love this song mann..haha!

rihanna-cry

2007-07-15T11:13:00.000+08:00

I'm not the type to get my heart broken
I'm not the type to get upset and cry
Coz I never leave my heart open
Never hurts me to say goodbye
Relationships don't get deep to me
Never get the whole in love thing
If someone could say love me truly
But at the time it didn't mean a thing

My mind is gone
I'm spinnin' around
And deep inside
My tears I'll drown
I'm losing grip
What's happening?
I stray from love
This is how I feel

This time was different
Felt like I was just a victim
And they cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now I'm in this condition
And I've got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry

Did it happen when we first kissed?
coz its hurting me to let it go
maybe coz we spent so much time
and I know that it's no more
I should have never let u hold me baby
Maybe why I'm so sad to see us apart
I didn't give it to u on purpose
Gotta figure out how u stole my heart

How did I get here with you?
I'll never know
I never meant to let it get so personal
And after all I tried to do
To stay away from love with you
I'm broken-hearted
I can't let you know
And I Won't Let It Show
You won't see me cry

Now I'm in this condition
And I've got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry

All my life

halo!

2007-07-12T21:28:00.000+08:00

Hello ppl...In-service today..First half was fine, but then came the second half..My goodness...First of all, i felt very sleepy (after lunch wad), then secondly i got conned by OC Training.. The short run was indeed VERY short..Goodness..And i was like trapped with heat..I had a piece of T-Shirt beneath my in-service shirt..It was freaking hot la..I had to use the t-shirt to make the in-service shirt look like it fit me just nice(although it still looks huge)..But without the t-shirt underneath,it's super duper huge...and it's small size mind u..they apparently do not have xs...

And so after everything, met yan..chilled awhile and off i head to home..Reached home, lie down on the couch and i fell asleep without even changing out of the outfit...Got up, showered and here i am..Feeling tired though...

I'm still in the recovery stage..shouldn't have gone for the run..should've played captain's ball instead mann...!!!! Anyway, went to team c's chalet d other day..and came home at 6 in the morning..Interesting and all of them were like telling me to talk to CO and put me back in the team..And it's not entirely impossible cos Liana is like leaving..I ws shocked when she told me tt day..So, tts the story she has been wanting to tell me..Now i know...

And did i tel u that we had durians the other nite? Funny mann..Liana called me and was like "Budd,durian pe"...No hello,no nothing..and of course, i had to go and buy..5 huge durians were finished by 4 of us...Crazy and the next day at the chalet, this Liana went to buy durians for the team and again we ate..And know wad? the next day my dad bought durians...Goodness..how do i recover then???

Mum has been talking to me and i told her to get things over and done..I think she's really gona do it..please give me the strength...

To jas...

2007-07-06T23:33:00.000+08:00

This entry is specially to my dearest Jas..It's nt tt I do not want to go and find u...One day u will realise why not today and the past few days...It's not that i wana hide it from you...But how do i even tell u? How do i tel u? Will u believe me or nt? I duno..I'm sure u know why i feel tt way...And yes, 070707...It is a very nice date indeed this year...And this shout is for u...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO U...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO U...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR JAS...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO U......

I know wad day it is for u..I once asked u when ur bdae is and when u told me, I realise it's similar to many of my frens..And one other thing...I'm sure u know i like to play dumb...so,yeah...should explain my actions..very sorry I can't come and meet u...Really, not that I don't want..But i really cant...Have a joyous day ahead of u and it's sad to have to work night shift on ur bdae..haha! This post is definitely out before midnight... but i hope u read it after midnight..haha!

Tired...

2007-07-06T22:59:00.000+08:00

NPP yesterday...I guess Gulam placed me there knowing tt i m sick..haha! put me at mountbatten...thought can rest, but computers at serai and west was down so they had to call me every now and then to generate a report number..funny ppl...MPR also still pending..I'm like stuck lah..suddenly become so dumb...like duno how to do anything..Closed NPP at 2155hrs..Liana picked me up..Cant possibly wait for Jason cos he has 3 other NPPs to fetch...haha! So, yeah..after she pick me up, had to follow her to attend msg..But since i had nth up i was ok with it..That's for picking me up..Pick me up from NPP more often and i will definitely follow u to msges..haha!

And so reached back and saw the TL...he was like just staring..returned my things and hurriedly went off..Washed up, changed and S.P agreed to go supper with me...off we went to Clarke Quay..Nice place, good food too..Apologies to Mail and Jas...I knocked off quite late yestd...Had a nice supper though..

Before went off there, was talking to katek abt one of our frens...i have no comments on whatever we had discussed yestd mann...Seriously, u should know her uh...Want to approach her and advice her, u know wad kind of person she is..She'll prolly start throwing plates at u on ur wedding day...But seriously, she shouldn't have said wad she did, which is also agreed by the anak arab...heez...

Six Silent tears...

2007-06-25T01:46:00.000+08:00

Last night before went to bed
Thoughts of you filled my head
Though I have not cried this way in many years
Onto my pillow fell six silent tears

The first was for your smile that I miss
And your tender lips I long to kiss
The second was for your angle face
And thoughts of your loving embrace

The third came as no suprise
As I thought of your beautiful eyes
The fourth came rolling
Instead of my pillow, it should have been you I was holding

The fifth came for one reason alone
I felt my love for you wasn't fully shown
I really love and miss you my dear
And there just fell the sixth silent tear.

your eyes..

2007-06-21T20:05:00.000+08:00

Your eyes won't let my thoughts go back to sleep.
Your words draw me across 2000 miles.
I don't know you at all, and yet I know
You better than my friends of many years.

The days I spent with you are like a tape
I play, rewind, play, rewind, and play.
Whenever I remember something new,
I feel as though you touched me on the cheek.

I miss you as the grass awaits the wind,
Or as the morning sky awaits the sun.
Although I look for you in every doorway,
I find only the darkness in my heart.

...the more i am away from u...

2007-06-21T05:13:00.000+08:00

The more I am away from you,
The more I want you here.
The more I do without your love,
The more I want you near.
I know that it makes little sense
To want what's not around,
But there's just one true love for me
And that's the one I've found.

We've gone through all the weather maps,
The sunshine and the rain,
But I would take a sea of storms
To be with you again.

if everytime...

2007-06-18T03:23:00.000+08:00

I'll never forget the way you looked
When I saw you there that night;
The way you just seemed to glow
In the warm and gentle light.

If every time you crossed my mind,
a drop of rain should fall
We could swim forever,
in the greatest ocean of them all.

If every time I dreamed your face,
A flower bloomed anew,
I could walk eternally
in my garden next to you.

If every time I imagined your smile,
a star was placed in sight,
Darkness would never fall upon
our love's endless light.

And if every time I needed you,
A bird sang its song
Our symphony would keep on playing
long after we are gone.

...I can see the pain...

2007-06-16T01:22:00.000+08:00

I still see your face in my dreams
It hurts and it doesn't help at all
I still want you in my life as crazy as that seems
I want you to catch me when I fall

I still remember the first time we met
There was something so different about you
Your friendship was something I wanted to get
That smile when you said hi to me was so new

Out of no where you called me on the phone
I wanted to sit there and talk to you forever
You were so new, so crazy and unknown
I just knew that our friendship would never sever

Two years and we are barely holding it together
What happened to the way this all used to be
I never wanted you out of my life ever
I sat there for a long time pretending not to see

We decided to go out and make it all all right
It didn't work out of course we knew it couldn't
We couldn't even really stand each others sight
It shouldn't end this way but it did and I shouldn't

I miss you and everything you were to me
Ten years from now we will look back on it all
We will be older and finally be able to see
That love will stand the test of time and never fall

The things i love about u..

2007-06-14T19:10:00.000+08:00

Your eyes
which first held me captivated
where I stood.

Your smile
to dazzle the sun
and warm every corner of my soul.

Your voice
like a sparkling mountain stream
which flows into my heart.

Your walk
and the way your gracefulness
takes my breath away.

Your hair
about which I dreamed
cascading into my face
as you leaned over me.

Your hands
whose caress I crave
to hold my face
in their tenderness.

Your arms
I long to have around my neck
as you pull me close
to your warmth.

Most of all
everything you are
changed the way I feel about my life.

I called your name

2007-06-10T01:50:00.000+08:00

I called the sun and he answered me
I called the moon and she treasured me
I called the stars and they cried for me
When I called your name only silence came back to me.

I called the earth and she befriended me
I called the sky and she watched over me.
I called the seas and they refreshed me.
When I whispered your name only silence came back to me.

I called the wind and he carried me
I called the fire and he lit for me
I called the animals and they sang for me
When I spoke your name only silence came back to me.

I’ve seen you pass with my very eyes
I’ve seen you smile and my heart just sighs

Dambaan

2007-04-03T23:22:00.000+08:00

Kini baru ku sedari
Selama ini kau ku sayangi
Andai bukan itu hakikatnya
Mengapa rindu yang ku rasa

Mungkin tiada ku fahami
Tidak dapat ku nafikan lagi
Beban rahsia kian membakar diri

Ikhlas ku nyatakan
Kau yang ku sayangi
Kau yang ku cintai
Walau tak mampu ku miliki

Ingin ku luahkan
Mungkin satu hari
Kan terbuka pintu hati
Dapat jua kau terima
Diriku akhirnya...

I'm tired

2007-01-31T19:36:00.000+08:00

Hello people once again..

It's been so long and i nearly forgot my password..haha! anyway,life's been fairly ok for me..Now that i'm busy with work,it does help to get a few things off my mind..

Sometimes,i sit and ponder...Why is evrybody's life different from each other..sometimes, you just wish u can have the life of others...But u know,this is reality and we have to face to all the challenges that ocme our way..

Never be too dependent on others...Cos sometimes,its these ppl that actually brings u down after helping you up..and they bring u lower than where they found u...It's true u know..Think about it..

It's my off day today and i'm damn tired actually..haha!

U know,i'm quite surprised with myself these days..I eat more than i used to mann..haha! and will still feel hungry after finish eating..haha! i'm so gonna get fat lah...and right now,as i'm typing this out,i'm eating goreng pisang which my neighbour gave..it's nice i tell u..haha! ok,im bored..gona check out some new skins..tc ppl...

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

Finally...

2007-01-14T14:50:00.000+08:00

It has really been very long since i last updated this thang..

Updates on myself...Hmm...It's been 7 months already and i'm FINALLY passing out...haha! I will be passing out this 16th January...Yeay! Well, i am and also not looking forward to passing out..Looking forward to passing out cos no more tortures..But not looking forward cos i will definitely miss everybody there...Especially my squad girls..We suffered and go thru thick n thin together..Especially farhana..We went thru alot together dint we?

We suffered together...we enjoyed together...we cried together..we laughed together...we got freaked out together..we got scared togeter..haha! will definitely miss those moments..

As for personal life...he has been real nice to me lately..after all that has happened uh..He suddenly became so nice uh...Suddenly like macam romantic lyddat...Well,people change they say...I met along of interesting people along the way too...

I gtg mann..catch up with ya'll sme other time...

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

I still miss u

2006-10-01T02:23:00.000+08:00

Says wo i do not miss u? Says who i no longer love u..I still do..You said u know me well enough..So u should noe tt it is never easy for me to forget my loved ones..u especially..Although he is present in my life now, u r still there..he cant compare to u..he can never replace u,that i assure u..NEVER!

Stop saying that i will not feel the way you do..I do feel lost without you..But i know that nothing i say or do now u will believe..Cos ur mind has been poisoned by the thought of him appearin in my life now..But for once, please believe me when i say that i love u and miss u and would still wana be here for u..i still do..There is no way that i will desert someone like u..

I admit, e past few weeks has been hard on u..But do u know how i feel? I feel confused..Very confused..I m tryin to adapt to changes..Time is all i need..give me some time to adapt to certain things..Please...

Im sorry for all the hurt i have caused u..I really am...It's not tt i do not want to meet u just now..i do, but he just came just now...i duno how to say to him... i duno how to say to him tt i wana meet u..In my heart,i really do wana meet u..I really do..But i duno how to say to him..Likwise,i duno how to tel u tt i m with him..I just cant seem to be able to say about u to him and him to u..I really dunno..I dun wana hurt both parties with each other's names..But i m just hurting myself..

I duno how to say about him to u and u to him..Every single day he will ask me if i had text or call u..all i say is no..not tt i wana lie to him, but i cant possibly share every single thing with him..Especially about u..Not tt he minds, he does not at all..but i do not find it appropriate to share wad i talk to u about..wad we had,let it be between us only..and i hope u can do the same..i keep telling him tt i dun text u n dun call u,so i hope u wun tell him tt i still do text n call u..and likewise dun say tt u do text n call me..can? i hope we can do this together..i have my reasons for doing so..

once again,i apologise to u and i hope u can give me the time i need to adapt to all this..im so sorry to have hurt u so much when actually hurting u is the last thing i ever wana do...i m such a disgrace to myself...

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

I'm sorry..

2006-09-09T23:51:00.000+08:00

Let me make a public apology to both shivani and raye cos i could not accompany u guys tonight..Also to boo...haha! sorry fellas...

To raye, i know u're not you tonight,but u're just keeping mum about it,which i have no idea why..If u're thinking about ur ex,like wad many others has said, i m saying it to u once again..It's about time you move on with ur life..If u fall in love with somebody else already and she comes back to u, just ignore and carry on with the love that you have for the other person...i know it's not easy..and i know that it's not tt u cannot do it..U just don't want to cos u're still waiting and hoping that se will return to u...Dun do that..These are setbacks u face in love...

Anyway, i still cannot believe that MILO is only 21..I really cannot believe it mann..And,haha! i heard u saying 'my girl'..Haha! what's there to hide..? This is the reality world...Haha! And yah..HAPPY BELATED BDAE TO U..Hope u like the gift from us...And yah..the government too gave u a present huh?haha! $30 only...haha!

For Farhana, girl..i knoe u're not facing ur best moments now,but whatever it is..Take it easy..Dun make things hard for urself by thinking too much about all the setbacks u r facing..I know it comes as a blow for u, but sort ur own feelings out one at a time...take ur time,but dun take too long or u'll be suffering..

To the girl who FINALLY realised that she is in love...Girl,dun hide ur feelings no more..remember wad 'ustadz' say? haha!

Damn,my entry is long...but u know wad..? i dun think any of the people i mentioned above would eventually read it..haha! cos they dun even noe i own a blog..but what the heck..haha! Take care ppl..

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

Demi waktu

2006-09-09T12:33:00.000+08:00

Aku yang tak pernah bisa
Lupakan dirinya
Yang kini hadir di antara kita

Namun ku juga takkan bisa
Menepis bayangmu
Yang selama ini temani hidupku

Maafkan aku
Menduakan cintamu
Berat rasa hatiku
Tinggalkan dirinya

Dan demi waktu
Yang bergelir di sampingmu
Maafkanlah diriku
Sepenuh hatimu

Seandainya bila ku bisa memilih...

Kalau saja waktu itu
ku tak jumpa dirinya
Mungkin semua takkan seperti ini
Dirimu dan dirinya kini
Ada di hatiku
Membawa aku dalam kehancuran

Maafkan aku
Menduakan cintamu
Berat rasa hatiku
Tinggalkan dirinya

Dan demi waktu
Yang bergelir di sampingmu
Maafkanlah diriku
Sepenuh hatimu

Seandainya bila ku bisa memilih...

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

Airmata Saksi cintaku

2006-09-08T23:26:00.000+08:00

Tak pernah ku benci padamu
Walaupun hatiku
Pernah dilukai...

Jangan kau pergi meninggalkan aku
Tak sanggup ku berpisah denganmu
Bagaimana nanti
Bila aku rindu
Di mana tempat nak ku bermanja...

Demi tuhan ku sayang padamu
Airmata menjadi saksinya
Bagaimana lagi
Hendak ku buktikan
Kesetiaannya cintaku ini...

Apakah lagi yang kau mahu
Tak cukup kah pengorbananku
Semoga kau mengerti
Perasaanku
Betapa ikhlasnya cintaku...

Bila hatiku sudah sayang
Bukan mudah nak ku lupakan
Biarpun pedih dugaan
Rela ku hadapi
Sayang...

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

If only you could see..

2006-09-07T21:58:00.000+08:00

Heylo people...Gawd..it's been nearly a month..haha! Anyway, it's been near a week since i last slept in the bunk..Kinda miss that atmosphere u know.. But well, sleep in class pun sleep in class lah..Better than sleeping nowhere..Haha!

All tt had to happen because of IMF...I will only be deployed on the 15th, when it's supposed to be yesterday... Gawd! y do they have to make last minute changes..And i tell u,it's hard to pass by each day with nothing to do AT ALL..

All we do is sit in class,sleep,make some noise,sleep again,go for lunch, come back and sleep again and sleep throughout..Unless someone comes into the room and teaces us...

Alot of things have been happening..And my friends are all in confused state..Kesian dorg..haha!

Anyway, i been driving up since Tuesday and i tell u..the PETROL is definitely killing me..I really want a new car..! haha! Raye is leaving tml..It's is last day tml..Well,all the best in the future...I know u wun read this but i really have no idea y im typin it for u..Haha! U tc of urself and dun think too much about ur ex..It's about time u move on..So,stand up on ur two feets and continue walking..Dun stop to turn around..It wun do u good..It will only make you go back...How to move on lyddat?Haha! So raye, wad u up to next???Hmm..

Do u all noe tt im supposed to be clearing my cupboard all becos my sister's new cupboard is coming in tml and my cupbooard will be thrown away...Im so restless rite now, how to clear? SOMEBODY HELP ME!!!!!

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

Happy Bdae to u

2006-08-13T12:51:00.000+08:00

i know it has been long since i last dated this thing...Somehow like lazy wana update lyddat...haha! To make this entry sort, this post goes out to tt someone in particular...And tt someone is my irritating yet dear SISTER...

HAPPY 18th BDAE TO YOU!!!

Finally you reached this age..How does it feel? Heez..Take care of urself and may you succeed in life...

That's all folks...Till i update again...Haha!

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

I Love You

2006-07-16T00:24:00.000+08:00

I love you in the morning,
I love you at night
I love you when you're wrong
as much as when you're right.
I love you when you're up,
I love you when you're down.
I love you when you smile
and I feel bad when you frown.
I love all the ways
you show me that you care.
I love the safe warm feeling,
knowing that you're there.
I love you no matter
what you say or do.
And that's why
all you ever hear out of me,
is that I love you

Pondering on life...

2006-07-09T21:08:00.000+08:00

Heylo ppl...I am back.. Going in tml morning which means i have to wake up damn early in the morning...

Anyway, duty last sat and yestd..It was quite tiring i must say...

And so i missed the farewell dinner that the girls had planned for yasmeen on friday..I seriously duno anything about it..I guess there was some miscommunication..I really didn't receive artika's sms...Weird...But it's ok..Maybe i send u on saturday k my dear kak yasmeen..? But u have to tell me the details lah..Pls do k..At least meet me before u go lah..

Bharat text me just now for a gathering for my kak yasmeen too on tues, but i won't be around...Sorry again my dear kak yasmeen...

And so, i have yet to pack and all...But i m like damn lazy...Hmm...What else can i say...?haha!

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

Don't Walk Away

2006-06-22T19:56:00.000+08:00

I need the comfort,
That's in your arms,
Squeeze and hold me tight, and keep me warm
I need the passion,
That's in your heart,
Say you'll never leave and be apart

So don't walk away,
Don't turn your back,
If you leave today,
My whole world would turn black,
So don't walk away,
Don't change your mind,
It's time you took the chance,
And put your hand in mine,
So don't walk away

I need the glow of,
Your darling face
Accept this crown of love,
And live in grace
I need the colors,
Painted in your mind
Your beauty and your brilliance,
So hard to find

So don't walk away,
Don't turn your back,
If you leave today,
My whole world would turn black,
So don't walk away,
Don't change your mind,
It's time you took the chance,
And put your hand in mine,

You are my angel,
Please don't be afraid
You are my saving grace,
My hearts first aid
So don't walk away,
So don't walk away

So don't walk away,
Don't turn your back,
If you leave today,
My whole world would turn black,
Don't walk away,
Don't change your mind,
It's time you took the chance,
And put your hand in mine,
So don't walk away
Don't walk away
So don't walk away

Recovering...

2006-06-22T15:34:00.000+08:00

Been at home and in bed since friday night...High fever for me and it sucks...
I only managed to really get my whole body out of bed without feeling weak today and it is nearly a week...

Didn't go for Naz's engagement on Saturday and i m sorry galfren..Like i said, i only managed to get out of bed today, after so long..

And to Asilah too...I am truly sorry that i couldn't make it to ur pit...I really am sorry...Sakit uh beb...

So yeah, my leave covers til tml...One week of leave? Cool huh? Aper nk buat...Dah nasib jatuh sakit....

Ooklah...I wana go and eat...Let's say for once i m goin to eat rice and not porridge..Haha! Great achievement!

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

Upon request...

2006-06-07T15:19:00.000+08:00

Upon request, i am here updating something on my blog...Heez...

Hmm...Where do i start?

Lets start off with the KL trip i had...It was a KL-Genting trip...It was fun...People who was there with me was fun to be with...For a moment i felt that there is no need to worry about anything at all..For a moment i felt like i was in wonderland, where nothing will be able to sadden me or disturb me...

I felt like i was at an island so far away from this pressure i am going through...It was cool and so was genting..haha!

Went to the theme park, both indoors and outdoors...It changed alot since the last time i went there... The first night, we went to the indoor theme park, the following day was outdoor day... Took a cable car all the way up from the hotel that we stayed in..

After all the fun, back to KL...First stop was Masjid India, followed by Petaling Street..Shop and shop until we got tired... Went back to Mami Ani's house at Putrajaya...Ate durians and all and left...For the nightlife..I drove a BMW la seh...Haha..!Took pics here and there and came back at 3 in the morning where all was asleep...Haha! And there i was disturbing people trying hard to sleep...I couldn't sleep...

Reason being that i was damn hungry and had nothing to eat..Haha! How mean..! The following day, back to Singapore...

I know i dint go into that much details of the trip, but i like lazy wana reflect back and all la...So, i hope u readers dun mind...

To my dear Kak Yasmeen...I was in KL when u called me the other day u noe..I forgot to tell u that...Haha!

To all my BIT graduands, happy graduation tml ya..Hmm....

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

Help Me!

2006-05-22T22:28:00.000+08:00

This blog is still existant aight..haha!

So far, things has been quite ok...except for a few...

Now, i been put in a spot once again...And it sux having to make the choice...Actually it is not really a choice..But,i duno how to put it...Both is equally important to me...But, one is more important of course...But i too don't wanna miss one of the last few moments with them..

Ya Allah, bantulah hambamu yang daif ini dalam membuat keputusan yang betul...

Y do i have to be put in a spot again? Many years ago, around this time too i was put in a spot...Early last year, i too was being put in a spot...And now?Haiz...

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

Back

2006-04-21T17:35:00.000+08:00

Home alone... Kak Sulis and the bros went to the swimming pool...Hmm...Kinda bored la actually...Been long since i last updated this thing...Hmm

FAMILY chalet last Friday to Sunday....All guests was invited by my parents...But, she was there... Dad invited her...Anak angkat wad...Hmm...It was fun uh... Haha! No more elaborations...

Tanx to that someone for the car and herself...Sorry la..Kereta rosak...All because of the weather which caused floods all over Bedok..Tanx ya...Tanx...Haha!

Car will be out tml...Piston masuk air...Oops...But hey, it is still free cos it is still under warranty....

Now waiting for the time to meet him...Rasanya da lama tk meet...Rindu pulak..Haha!

Cepat lah...I cant wait no more...Hmm...

Booked by BIT malays on the 29th...I think right, u all might wana have back up plans given the weather yg tk menentu skrg nie...Artika might be right u noe...So,start planning aight...Text me if u need help in planning it...Contactable at the other number for now...

Okla,nk mandi...WEEE........

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

Phew...

2006-03-29T02:24:00.000+08:00

Time check is 2.30am...And i am still fresh awake... Accompanied by 2 bogel CPUs... Yeah... I undress them to get to the root of the problem..CMSY come in handy now..Back then, after undressing it, i had problem getting the right clothes for the right parts...But, that was back then lah..When i just started out in my poly years...

And yeay!!! I managed to do some things which was not taught in school...Tanx to dicky... I ope farah wouldn't mind tt... Sorry ya if u dint know tt he helped me on the phone...

So, yeah..All is ok now, only need to return it to the owner tml and touch up on certain things..Cos the second CPU seems to be giving me alot of problem...It has some trouble connecting to my monitor..I tried 2 monitors and it still couldn't connect... So, i have to use the monito at the owner's place to finally install the operating system...

Well yeah...Someone called me today...She called and asked how i was doin and all..Very surprised to hear from her cos it has been quite some time now... So, yeah...We chatted for awhile..And for once, my dad was there..Haha!

Called him, but i think he is asleep by now..You asked me to call and then u sleep like nobody's business... I wanna talk to u lah... Whole day i dint hear your voice you know... I miss my Mr H.... So much...Hmm...When was the last time we sat and spend quality time together? Haiz...

Medical check up this thursday..Let's just pray that i dun get my 'wet' feeling or else it is gonna screw my medical check up...Which means, i ave to delay the check up..And i dun like that... "Since when i liked going to the doctors nie.....?"

Well,if it's for a good reason, i dun mind..Haha! Someone is definitely gonna laugh her lungs out if she heard this...Cos it was just last saturday she told me.."Bila suruh pergi doctor, ader ajer..."
Anyway, i heard she's attached now...Well..May you be blessed with your partner this time round...Biler nk kenalkan???? Haha!

Ouh, to ASILAH....Been long since i last heard from u...Difficult lah to keep in touch with u..Your blog does not have a tag board..So, how??? Tell me..Haha! Nice of you to drop by anyway.... Sorry la tt day i dint wait up for you together with Fyza and Fuad...I had to rush....

To Fyza..If it happens you are reading this...I m sorry la tt i left you with Fuad..I felt bad lah..Like we went together and then i left just like that...Sorry ya.... Heez...Meet up wit u all some time again ya....

This is kinda draggy already..Better take my leave...Toodles....

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

Hmm...

2006-03-27T23:43:00.000+08:00

Betapa hancurnya, hatiku ini...

I had really wanted you to be there..I really do... Hopes... Crushed...Haiz... The moment u said u can't, my heart dropped..to many tiny lil pieces...If only you knew how happy i was...Hw i was silently smiling away... But you wiped the smile away and brought me to tears...

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

Birthday to pinky...

2006-03-27T16:41:00.000+08:00

First and foremost;

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO

NADIRAH BTE MD NASSER...

May you be blessed with all the happiness in the world... Erm,sorry u no hap prezzie...Hutang bole...?Like last year...Can...? Hehehe! Janganla marah... Actually the wish is if only you read my blog...Heez....I terdelete ur new number yestd uh, so i dunno how to contact u..Jangan marah..Hope you see this.. Take care...

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

Andainya kau mengerti..

2006-03-25T01:43:00.000+08:00

Andainya kau dapat memahami hati dan perasaanku ini..

Andainya kau tahu betapa ku memerlukan dirimu..

Di saat ku tertawa, dan di saat ku berduka...

Seandainya perpisahan harus terjadi antara kita,

Maafkanlah aku kerna terpaksa melepaskan dirimu..

Perpisahan bukan ku inginkan...

Tapi apakan daya ku ini, engkau lebih bahagia tanpa ku...

Jika benar begitu, aku pasrah...

Demi kebahagiaanmu, aku rela...

Tapi inginku ingatkan pada dirimu,

Jikalau suatu hari nanti engkau kembali...

Aku akan tetap menerimamu...

Dengan hati yang tulus dan suci...

Keras hanyalah luaran ku...

Tetapi di dalam, hanya aku yang tahu...

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

Semua tentang kita...

2006-03-23T01:31:00.000+08:00

Waktu terasa semakin berlalu...

Tinggalkan cerita tentang kita..

Akan tiada lagi kini tawa mu...

Tuk hapuskan semua sepi di hati...

Ada cerita tentang aku dan dia...

Dan kita bersama saat dulu kala...

Ada cerita tentang masa yang indah...

Saat kita berduka saat kita tertawa...

Teringat di saat kita tertawa bersama...

Ceritakan semua tentang kita bersama...

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

Aku menunggumu...

2006-03-23T01:12:00.000+08:00

Di dalam sebuah cerita

Terdapat bahasa

Yang mengalun indah mengisi jiwa

Merindukan kisah kita berdua

Yang tak pernah bisa akan terluka

Bila rindu ini

Masih milikmu

Ku hadirkan sebuah

Tanya untuk mu..

Harus berapa lama

Aku menunggumu...

Di dalam masa indah saaat bersamamu
Yang tak pernah bisa akan terlupa

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

After a long break...

2006-03-15T22:55:00.000+08:00

Heylo ppl...How has it been???

Been gone for long...

Hmm...

Been long since i last met up with them...Guess each of us are busy now huh..?

But,meeting them this friday though...Hopefully uh....and....

I never knew that there is a place by the name of popeye...Seriously...I never knew it existed...

Goes to show when was the last time i went to the airport huh..?Haha!

Right now, i am on the hunt for a windows xp installation cd...does any kind soul have it...?i need it like badly mann....Haits.....

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

Awake...

2006-02-25T12:41:00.000+08:00

i was up early today...becos,the sirens bunyik already...haha! but then, he asked, "why wake up so early?" Like tk bersalah lyddat...ergh...

So,i m bored now...chatting to him and also thinking of the time spent with him yestd...It was great wasn't it...?Haha..!

Supposed to go out with him today..but tahlah eh...hmm......

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

I had fun...

2006-02-25T01:26:00.000+08:00

Despite the wet feeling, i still had fun..Despite the pains,i still had fun..Haha..!

Final Destination 3 was...i duno the correct word to describe it..The effects was good though..It looked so real...And so, after PS,was off to arab st...Haha...Al-majlis...Had a basket of fries which i could nt finish...It was damn alot i tell u...Worth it uh...Very worth it..

Came back ard 9+ lyddat...Took the car n off i go to pasir ris...to grab ppl n the bag..n off to tamp to drop some things off..and then...zoom i go to clementi...i will never trust my sis on the road directions,even if she look and sound soooo confident of herself...haha!!!!and bob wouldn't do tt too right???haha! u noe y ya...haha!

right now...i m waiting for tt someone to convince me on why i should come for her bdae pit..haha! i can be such a pain in the ass sometimes...haha! once in a while ok wad...been long since i been such a pain to u k...haha!!

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

I still care...

2006-02-23T02:44:00.000+08:00

ERM paper today nearly killed me...Stopped my heartbeat sia when i looked at the qns...Qn that most of us had hoped would come out didn't...Anyway nad said tt this exam helps us to exercise too..Hand exercise yah..?Haha! 10.45 was out of the exam room...

Met nad,talked,then headed to itas to mkn and return the calculator that i borrowed from one of the food vendor..Haha! Such a disgrace..But what to do..I can't seem to be able to find mine.But in the end there was no need for the calculator as the qn did not come out as expected..

After that,sat and waited for the others at ITAS still..Came Farah n Yuani,which was followed by Nurul and Bookshop (ahakz)... Sat and talk and laugh2,afterwhich they decided to go to Bugis...Me and Nurul didnt go..So we parted ways at the bus stop...Interesting day today uh... Sat and chill quite a lot oso...

And now,here i am at 3 in the morning,supposed to be studying for my OB tml..And the paper is pathetic...7-9 and it is at the sports hall..Ni kalau aku klua siang,confirm sunyi sak tu area...Hmm..Thinking nie...

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

jangan pernah tinggalkan

2006-02-22T03:23:00.000+08:00

Hello..! Time check is 3.23a.m... Yup..Morning...

Me is supposes to study..But me can't seem to be able to concentrating tt much..Nt tt i dun want,but i dunno..Haiz...

Me is got so many things on me mind...Thinking of you is one of it...Why ya?Why you hiding things from me??

I can't stop thinking ya...Me is want to know why....

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

kepahitan

2006-02-20T23:52:00.000+08:00

what is becoming of my life now..?

i duno where to start...i no longer do...

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

dun wake me...

2006-02-16T23:06:00.000+08:00

A second chance is all i ask,for now i know what i had done wrong...Pls...

Sekarang kau pergi menjauh...

Sekarang kau tinggalkan aku...

Di saat ku mulai mengharapkanmu..

Dan ku mohon,

MAAFKAN AKU...

Aku menyesal telah membuat mu menangis...

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

Kenapa?

2006-02-13T23:42:00.000+08:00

u noe whom i was with..N u noe wit her ard i cant drive like i usually do..U know tt dun u??So,y do u have to scold me for being home late??? Wad abt the traffic lights??? Haiz...After waiting so long to finally get to talk to u...Haiz...

Y do u have to talk to me like tt?It hurts me so much..It really does to hear u talking to me lyddat..Haiz...U r tired,so m i...I really m...Haiz...I tried to control the emotions,but u demanding an answer from me just like tt does not help..I know u care for my health...I know u do..But when i say later,means before i sleep...Haiz..I dunno wad to say...

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

i m sick!

2006-02-11T11:51:00.000+08:00

School ended...Sorry to those peeps who was really expecting to go on the field trip with them to jurong bird park...
Supposed to go school,bt tk larat....Down with flu yesterday,got worse today...My voice like baru balek rock concert gtuk...Haha! Must be the rain on thursday...
Anywho, BI was such a killer the other day...Suddenly it became a written test and at the end everyone was complaining as that it was unfair there was not enough time at all...So,this time the retest will be a written one and there will only be 10MCQs..Haits...

Kaoz..I really cannot stand my nose and this head is spinning sia..Haits...And today i m the chaffeur for some ppl... *shakes head*.. "Second traffic light turn left.." Deng..! Haha! But it was ok uh....Hmm...

I will take an end for now i gues...I too tired uh...I oso cannot tahan d head..Haits...

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

Saved by the min...

2006-01-30T00:04:00.001+08:00

I was saved by the 1 minute time difference between my comp and vbus... BI up and submitted.. Phew... I had trouble figuring out how to cut,cut and cut my words so as not to exceed 250 words..But u noe wad? it's still above 250...but i tried, and if i were to continue, i'd be late...Hmm... Now to focus on MP presentation and also POT...ergh...Been asking around what Yvonne meant, but none can come up with an easy definition for me...HELP??!!!

Anyway, went fishing today and i myself caught half baldi of fishes..Not those big one lah...Small ones as i was using a small rod... And the mata kail was so tiny..Got stuck to my pants so many times..Haha! But i had fun.. Was with the family.. Guess i really needed that... Time with the family..Been lacking so much of that..But well, had fun with them...And yah..when was the last time i fished? Ahakz!!!!! And because of that, kena sunburnt..But not tt bad lah..Hee... Got myself half wet as i had to walk through the waters to get to the fishing site and ya..Since i got no pants extra, i went back in kain sarong...Haha! Lucky i didn't take public transport...

Yalah..I dun like bathing in the sea,often frens would have to throw me in, so why should i bring extra pants..Never did i thought that i have to cross the sea water to get to the fishing site... And i was in slippers and i had a tough time... U noe wad it's like wen u have to drag ur slippers in deep water... Takut putus je... Wads worse, the slippers are not mine..Wahaha! Therefore, i was so afraid it would putus..And not forgetting, get lost..Yalah..Water so deep and u noe singapore waters are not see through kinda water...Haha!

I'm tired..Off to bed i guess...

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

Saved by the min...

2006-01-30T00:04:00.000+08:00

Not a continuation

2006-01-28T00:56:00.000+08:00

Before anything..This is not a continuation for phase 2..Not yet ya..

I am tired, but i can't bring myself to sleep anymore...Not anymore...I could jus now...
Haiz...I wonder...Y do u always do tt to me..?I noe u wana hear me before u sleep..I understand that, but can u not force me to sleep if u still wana talk to me?Haiz.... I duno lah...I duno wad to say lah..

I dint want to call u..I dunno y...i really dunno y...haits....i could have hurt u with my actions..im sorry..but i was hurt by wad u did...if i dint have to wake up at 3,i dun mind..but haiz...nvm..u might nt understand cos u dun have to do tt...

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

MP Phase 2

2006-01-26T01:00:00.000+08:00

Title: Hanya sekeping surat pengganti diri (Part 1)

I want you to know you're forgiven, enough of sorries. Abt wad happened, i hope you know i don't mind who you mix ard with. I don't control your life. it was just bad timing and all that leaving-me-behind soon got onto my nerves after so long

Beb, that was long ago. I still feel sorry for leaving you behind. And the second sentence, reflect back on phase 1, can i say it to u? Mebbe the whole paragraph i can say to u..I reallly do not mind with whom you mix ard with, just as long as you're comfortable with them,but it just was not the right timing.

When that happened, not talking to you and stuffs...It hurts so bad. I felt so lost and wasn't myself. Your absence, it felt awfully painfully. For once i was angry with you, at the same time, i don't want anything to happen to this friendship. At that point of time, i felt like i've totally lost you to another person. Guess i was deceiving myself when i thought i'm beter off on my own.

Can i also post all this back to u? U dun want anything to happen to the friendship, do u feel that way now? I thought i lost you to someone else too..Yelah, siapalah aku di sisi mu..Stranger?

Well, what's past let it just be the past...

23rd january will still remain as 23rd january....It will stay behind with that day too..No doubt that the pain is still there...

Title: Hanya sekeping surat pengganti diri; 7th March 2005 (Part 2)

Told me you're leaving, and i'm left wondering. What now? Already i felt so far in your life and you told me you're leving. Regrets filled my thoughts. Tears filled my eyes. What more can i do. I really don't know what to do. Whether or not silence will do us good. If we ever talked again, what would be the right words to say.

That was what i had thought before i met you today. Not the first few lines..But the last few..So,wadya think now? Will silence do us good? And what was the right words to say?

Lately,it's been so uncomfortable being around you. I don't know why i just can't be myself after what happened.

Do u still feel that way now? It's been a year, do you still feel uncomfortable ard me?Esp after what has happened...

Everything else can wait. My priority? Get things back to normal between us, but i really don't know where to start

Was that your first priority too days back?I also wanted too, but the pain overcomes the priority...Was still trying to fight through...Every word i typed in my sms to text to u, i erased them again..I dunno why...

I think i stop there for tonight..Will continue tml..My comp is lagging...Hiak..Hiak.. Involved personnel,please reply...Thank you...

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

Hati terluka..

2006-01-24T10:47:00.000+08:00

Im supposed to go to school..But looks like i dun feel like it..I duno..Mebbe cos i dunno how i want to face them..But i still want to fae them...I want to...I dun want wad was once so nice being washed away just like tt...Just cos of 1 thing... I dun want... How much i treasure u..A lot...Haiz...I dunno wad to say or do anymore...You refuse to look at me, what more talk...Well,mebbe i'll just let time pass by...yah..anyway..I just want to apologise to u if u feel that i have not been good enough...And i dun have to say anymore cos i've said it al to u yesterday...

I better start goin or will be late for school..

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

Suicidal Note?

2006-01-24T01:05:00.000+08:00

Of all the days i knew you, today is the day i felt the worst. Although we had our ups and downs during those days back then. Today i felt like i lost it all..You and everybody else..I tried my best..Tried my best to meet all your demands..I tried...But i too was pressurised by others. I did try to put my personal affairs aside..I managed..Not that i didn't.. I tried to focus on what u all wanted me to, i did to the best i could. But i cannot put my whole mind and soul to it like how you could. I have other commitment too...It is equally important. More impt than this, for me..I can't afford to lose this and would then be considered to have wasted all the days that went by..And i dun want to forego all that you all have commited too...I dun want to drag you down..I really dun...I hate to do that..Not that i dun divide my time..I did...But you just never noticed..Never did notice at all...Haiz..But now i noe it's already too late to explain anything at all..You wouldn't have listened anyway right? Anger live in ur heart already..You wouldn't have listened... Furthermore, things has worsened already and you ought to still be angry at me... I am speechless..The look, the tone and the reaction hurt me so much..It shows ur anger so clearly.. Haiz...For many years, i thought you could understand me well...Undersand my situation, bt well..The person i expected to understand so much did not...Haiz..

You once said this to me.. "What happened to us lately?" And i told you i dunno...And today,i can't help but ponder on that qn..Kept asking tt qn to myself and i kept getting the same answwer...I couldn't find the right answer...What did i ever do wrong to u? In march 2005, we use to fear of losing each other,so tell me now...Is this the end of us? Just because of one thing?Just that?If so,tell me...! Dun keep me in the dark...If not, why are you giving me the cold shoulder..Already i am falling...With this happening,i am falling further...Haiz...........

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

Please...

2006-01-21T21:03:00.000+08:00

When was the last time this thing got updated...Anyways, lots has happened these days..Many things was killing me..First it was BI,then it was people...Now, it's FYP n OB...2 projeks due on the same day but thank god not the same time.. OB due on monday morning n i have not done anything yet... I won't state down why..Let me myself know why..I dun wana hurt people anymore...I dun wana be blaming people or things..

Let them do wad they want to me.. Some think tt i think that 'sth' is not impt...But i duno why you can't understand my situation..I'm not like you..I have an extra burden to carry ard my head..Already there are so many things and you being demanding is not helping me at all..I dunno why you only think of yourself..For once,think of me..Ouh, i forgot ya..Who m i to u anyway..A fren..?I dunno...

People say that should divide my time...Am i not doin tt? Am i? I may look like I am not, but what do you know what i do when we are apart? Life hasn't been easy for me and people seem to be pushing me on things...Haiz..How i wish you understand..But wishes some times do not come true..A fren told me, why do you have frens like that? How can u take all the criticisms? And i told that fren of mine...I dun wana argue with frens..Let them do what they want to me...But please..Dun go over my limit of patience... And the fren of mine smiled as she seem to know what will happen if people go over my limit of patience...Tanx fren...

My love always told me to be patient...But,there's a limit to one's patience dear..Hmm...Where are you when i need you now??? I want you...I need you....Please come back to me...

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

Phew!

2005-10-31T12:37:00.000+08:00

I realised that it has been ages since i last updated this thang...Not tt i wasn't around.. I was.. In fact, i always drop by my own blog, but never had the chance to update it..Sorry for the inconvenience ya? Hmm..School is starting soon and i m like not prepared yet. Be it mentally or physically. Hmm... Today is my last day at work..Well,toodles to SIF...

Anyway,started on FYP already.. Group name? MZN3...I duno how to put the 3 as a cube after the N...Hmm..It's the initials of all our names..Coolness...But then, looks like i am sort of stuck at the financial considerations.. Deng.. Mentang lah aku nie auditor..Wahaha! But nvm..Should be able to get it done uh...

Right now i am in the midst of doing work actually, but it is almost done..I m actually slowing things down..I dun wana be doin so many things on my last day..Scared cannot finish by the time i goin home..So, i am just surfing around..I m bored now...

Lets see what i intend to do... Haha! Anywayz, preparations for raya was ok.. All done except for kuehs..Damn... Baju, kasut nd tudung all got ready.. Beg oso got already..Not i buy one,but the ppl in the office give me..Farewell present la kononnya...But,tanx..Heez... Cute uh the beg...But nvm...

Bought clothes for my siblings,but tinggal for my mum...Pity her... Will buy for her soon uh..Very soon..Thought of doin so tonight,but see how uh..She abis werk wad time seh...Haiz...

Ok,enough about tt..Now my life?Haiz.. I dunno wad to say...Been in deep thoughts lately.. What have i done to offend you ppl?WHAT? it would be an ease to my mind if u all say it straight to me.

To that someone, i have always known u to be someone who is straight forward, but what happened now? WHat are u hinting at?What are u unhappy abt? Why aren't you coming to me and telling me? Why? Like i text u yesterday, i wouldn't know until u tel me. Haiz.. I dun want wad we had to end just like tt... Worse still to end when i dunno what went wrong..Haiz...But if i had offended u in any way, i am taking this opportunity to seek ur forgiveness.. If what i had done is beyond ur forgiveness,then tel me what i have to do to get your forgiveness.. As i bow to u, i wish u can give me the forgiveness...And slamat hari raya to u in advance...But no matter what, do know that what we had for the many years is still fresh to my heart. It has not seep through thin air and i will assure u that it will never happen. We went through ups and downs together for many years and i still wana go through that with you. i admit, what had happened has hurt me terribly. I was shaken. i really was. But,wad can i say. It has already happened.
I remember, u were always there when everyone turned their back on me.. U were there wen i was going through the toughest part of life..U were there for me to hang on..U were there guiding me through..U were always there...I admit that time might have changes things, but i am and will always be thankful to have found a friend in you....May god bless you in your future life and may u be a successful person in the time to come...

For that other someone,u emailed me the other day... Not that i have not read it..I have.. In fact, it has been printed out for me to read over and over again.. And i will reply to tt mail of urs..Not in here, but i will give u my reply personally.. What happened between us was beyond our control..We didn't want it to happen, but it was already fate..By the time we realise, it was already too late to turn back.. From the day i knew you, we had this chemistry. When we went through the same path in life, there was more chemistry. U understood me and i,the same. Although at times it was hard to do, we stil tried.. We appear jovious and happy, but deep down inside,only we know. But what had happened has drifted us apart. It's like Hydrogen bein separated from oxygen. No more water for us to sail through this life together...Beb, i hope in time to come,things will change..Change for the better..I oso wana take this chance to seek forgiveness from your kind soul..U have always been forgiving and i am seeking tt from you..Seeking that from u for all that i had done and not done to u.. Im sorry beb and slamat hari raya to u.

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

It's RAINING...!!

2005-06-25T11:06:00.000+08:00

At werk..no1 in the office,so i side track a lil...Hmm.... I dun wana talk about my life as at this very moment it sucks...But some people cheer me up all the time...Hmm...

Baby, i love u sooo much... U made my day when i was down..Look at u can make me smile sooo wide... At this very moment,i felt lucky to have met someone like u n loved someone like u..To also get the love from u is what tt makes me so much happier than i was before..Friends?Ya,they say friends cheer us up,but nt all the time.. Sometimes,frens oso doubt u,but i m lucky baby..Lucky to have u in my life... U trusted me and breaking that trust will be one of the last things i'd do...Baby,we been through so much ups and downs,but trust me when i say tt my love for u will never go up and down...It will remain up and go higher and higher and higher...I love u soooo much baby...Tanx for EVERYTHING...

To my long lost lover...wahahaha....sadiq,bro,i m so sorry i dint turn up to the pit the other day..Hope u had a whole load of fun k..I think i've explained to u the other night abt y i couldn't come..i knocked out from work late and was very very tired..I got lot of things to complete for my work...Date due all around the corner and i m yet to type my report on the audit findings..So much for being an auditor...Haha!But nevertheless,i hope the msg i sent u to show tt i dint forget u somehow or rather made ur day... Miss u always...Muacks......!!!

To the other someone...Tanx alot for everything the other day..Kalau tkda kau,aku pun tatau wad will happen to me and school..Haiz... Stress sia aku...Stress giler...3 weeks already beb...and i m still counting..Haiz... Apa lah salah aku smp dier buat gni..Not tt i dint try,i tried so much,but to no avail... Rest assure i will settle everything when everything is back to normal k...?sorry to have troubled u....

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

Hmm....

2005-06-03T21:41:00.000+08:00

This i type long time ago..now then i update..it was typed on the 3rd of june..wahahahah

Halo…Ahakz…Ok,perhaps u will only se eme updating this thing once every fortnight? Anyway, work was ok.. Tiring actually..Now kena stationed at LKN building..The one at cecil street..I am working here together with Nizam, wai leong and Nicholas… And I discovered so many people work around this area… Ahakz…! Hmm… Actually I am able to cope with work already, budden right..stress sia… Audit pae keje2…Apa tk stress??? But it is fun though.. Fun finding people’s fault… That’s why people hate auditors… They claim that auditors add more stress to their daily life.. But obviously lah…U see lah wad kinda job auditors do..Find ppl’s fault…

Anyway, I found out someone on MC today.. Ape citer??? Hmm…. Jumpa aku tknk..Bukannya jauh sgt..Dekat pe… Naik MRT smp pe.. Ahakz… Dahlah…Dun think too much about things…Remember wad I said yesterday..? Aku kan ader dlm hidup kau…Pengganti tmpt dier..Heez…

Life so far has been good for me… Happy always… Although sadness is there, but I will say that I have more happy moments with tt someone now…

Speaking of someone, I saw nadirah the other day.. Haha! Anjat gegerl… She was with her bro…Btw kan…The baju thingie kan, I am still asking around for a reasonable price for u.. Ur budget below 20 kan??? I am still asking around… U need to use the shirt when…?Btw, u goin Australia eh…?Biler huh???Australia ke??duno…wadeva country tt is…

Yawn… Am actually at work now…But looks like I cannot concentrate on work ready… Too exhausted perhaps… Aper tk…One whole day I was on the chair trying to look for a document..Just for one document I have to look through paper by paper in 7 THICK files… And because of that document, I cannot carry on with my work… Worse still… Lucky thing I found PART of what I was looking for…Hmm…Ni lah susahnye handle related accounts… So many files mann… But still, I somehow love this job.. Love finding fault with people…. Muahahahhahahha (evil laughter) !

I am sleepy and hungry and sleepy sia… Hungry???Ahakz!!! Budd!!!!! U had rice for lunch just now u noe…! Ahakz! My hp batt pun dah condemn…Hmph…! Ok lah…Gtg ready mann…. See ya’ll around… Take care and PEACE OUTZ!~

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

Hello...Hello...Hello...!

2005-05-14T14:21:00.000+08:00

Hello people.... Attachment started already..Sianz...I got attached to east coast road...It's a Finance company..... And all there are chinese...I m the only malay in that company.....but never mind...I m attached to the Internal audit department and the dept name describes wad i have to do...Internal audit and i DUN LIKE TT..I know nuts about internal audit..And my accounts not tt strong to be doin audit...Haiz..... For 4 months i have to tahan with it....Food wise..There ain't much variety,so i only ate on the 1st day n yestd...Others all i skipped lunch...And so,it will continue for the 4 months..Haha!And my fren tell me that if i continue tt way,the next time they see me,i will definitely have no flesh left..Tulang only...Aper je korg...Anyway,working hours,9-6 on weekdays and 9-1 on weekends...Haiz......Stress seh keje....Everything i do oso see BIG numbers...Im not talking about ten,twenty dollars...But more like millions sia...Wahahahahha! And i have to audit sooo many files...But for now im ok with it uh...Getting used to working life....Hmm....

So,had on campus session today...So,today no work lah....Very boring..Not boring cos no work...Boring cos kena go school....Hmm...Ended at 11.30 tadi...Went makan with nurul,then teman kan dier go rumah matair dier....I m bored...!

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

2005-05-04T15:48:00.000+08:00

This is for the sake of everyone who visited my blog and realised that it was DEAD, like how my dearest fren mus put it.... Dah jadi arwah blog aku nie...Haha! Anyway,had SIP launch yesterday...Felt sooo funny in that formal clothes and also not forgetting feeling HOT...Weather hasn't been on my side of late...Hmm...Anyway, i m being attached to Sing Investment & Finance Ltd...Never heard of the company but sounds like a loan company or sth...It's at east coast road...And i m still wondering where it is exactly.... Working hours 9-6 and i have to work on Saturdays....Darn...Starting on the 9th of may though..Ouh,did i say which department i was attached to?Ouh...I am attached to the Internal Audit Department... God knows what i'll be doing there.... But luckily i got attached to some place not that far from home...Unlike some people like nad and my kak ani...Kesian korg kena kat hujung tanjung...Wahahaha....!

So,had pre-SIP training today.... Unfortunately i got somebody's fav teacher....Miss Pearl Teng...Haha! Class started at 930 and woohoo...i was on time...it was supposed to end at 12, but as usual,lesson was being dragged....Anyway,we learnt how to use excel...Ok2,i know it sounds kinda pathetic,but wad d heck....Attendance was taken sia....Hmm...Had only a 5 mminute break,but as usual,i drag that time...Haha! Sat and chat with nad...Apparently,she crashed into my lab when she was supposed to go to lab 3....Funny....

Hmm...Now i am thinking of what to do tml...Actually got plans ready,but see how lah..wahahaha.....

To that someone,i read about it..Well,i have nth much to say to u here..But i hope u understood wad i said to u in all the sms-es just now.....Tc...

To everybody,toodles...Wahahahaha!

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

Cinta Tersimpul Rapi

2005-03-30T14:00:00.000+08:00

Kulerai segala yang terkusut
Kusimpul agar menjadi rapi
Demi menjaga hatimu
Ku rela mengalah selalu
Mengapa kau berubah laku

Inikah yang harus ku terima
Di atas setia sekian lama
Kau menjadikan aku
Pelakon dalam sandiwaramu

Rinduku cintaku bukannya yang terkusut
Kuikat kubelai dan kusimpul..oohh...

Hati ingin berbicara
Hati pun sering bertanya
Di mana hujung jalan cerita
Bukannya di bibir tanpa sebarang noktah

Selangkah engkau pergi seribu langkah aku mengejarmu
Sekelip mata engkau hilang seluruh pelusuk ku cari...oohh...
Setinggi mana engkau membawa diri akan aku daki...oohh...
Sedalam mana kau cuba menyembunyi kan ku selami
Biar tebukti biar bersaksi
Cinta kita cinta tersimpul rapi

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

BPR

2005-03-30T13:59:00.000+08:00

Seribu Tahun Takkan Mungkin

Di mata mu mencermin kan rindu
Di mata mu adalah kenyataan
Aku tenggelam dalam lautan kasih sayangmu
Tak mungkin akan ku lepaskan ikatan ini

Mendung hitam adalah semalam
Silau mata dari kilauan cinta
Hati ku ini sayang tak mungkin berubah
Selagi kau berpegang teguh pada janji

Setiap kata yang terucap
Setiap nada yang tercipta
Hanyalah untuk mu
Satu tak terpisah

Seribu tahun takkan mungkin
Bisa menghuraikan sebuah
Cinta yang kau beri
Untuk diriku yang pilu

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

Senandung Duka - Fauziah Ahmad Daud

2005-03-30T13:48:00.000+08:00

Kala kita bersama
Dunia berseri
Manis ooo manisnya
Cinta didada bersemi

Hari yang ku lalui
Indah penuh makna
Hati ini bernyanyi
Lagu tentang cinta

( korus )
Tapi kini kau pergi
Membawa mimpi ku
Meragut cinta ku
Merobek angan ku
Sirna segalanya
Musnah semuanya
Ku hanyut di kesepian

Hari berganti hari
Ku tetap sendiri
Namun dihati ini
Cinta mu tetap bersemi

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

A new day arise...

2005-03-30T13:20:00.000+08:00

Hello...I been absent for quite some time but i m back right now... Sorry for the long absence and i dun think i wanna say why..Anyway,it's the holidays now..Exams are done and it ALL sucked... seriously,i slacked too much this sem... Really sia..Dunno why..Intentions to study was there,but i end up doin other things like sleep or slack around...Hmm...

Now that the holidays are here,i m going to die of boredom..Such boredom fills my life...Haiz...Anyway,i m in school right now...Killing time and also cos i got nothing better to do..

I really dunno wad else i should be writing in here...Ahakz....Till i come up with something,ya'll have a good day aight...

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

Selamat tinggal...

2005-03-10T11:36:00.000+08:00

Had BIT girls lunch out yesterday...And i was late..As usual..I m oways the late one..Sorry gerls...I m so sorry... Was caught up uh..But had fun though..People that i usually only smile to was there... I was very surprised.. But we talked..As though we had known each other for a very long time..But finally after 4 semesters,we were all there...Haha!

I been lagging soooo much in school stuff...I dunno how many lessons i attended this week...I think this is my first lesson...Which is open tech...Didnt go for the lab on tuesday..So,my first lesson of the week..And my cds will be the last lesson of the week...

Today might be the last day im blogging..Will be gone..So,this is the last entry...

To that someone whom i was with yesterday..That very someone who always end up in the same boat with me... I want u to know,that wateva happens,i care for u..The care that i had for u had never fade away and it will never fade away..Though we had our bad times,our tough times,my care for u was never less... I will try n keep u updated of any news...U were there when i was done and u were also there wen i was up...And i love u for that my fren...

To that other someone who has manage to emerge into my heart..I wana seek ur forgiveness for all that i had done and had not done to u...I am so sorry...Please forgive me...But if there are things that u cannot forgive me about,tell me...Just punish me...I know i did many wrong to u..I know...I hurt u a million times in a million ways..I m truly sorry..I know sorry can't heal the fragile heart that i broke...But itu aje yg i mampu katakan...But please dun hesitate to punish me if u must...But there is something i want u to knoe...Since the day u came into my life,my world changed..My life changed...Suddenly ur presence has made a BIG impact in my life...I began to love u and as time pass by,i was afraid..Afraid of losing u...My love for u grow every second...It grows and grows and grows...I love u too much already...Never did i noe that in such a short time,u made me love u sooooo much...It just happens..All those happy moments we had together will remain as memories...U r my evevrything..Do noe tt...Im so sorry...

To all readers of my blog..This will be my very last entry..Dunno when the next entry will be..If u happen to read thru the past...then have fun...Enjoy life to the fullest and u wun regret it...

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

I love u...

2005-03-08T10:41:00.000+08:00

In school..Was late.... And thank god i didn't come by a cab... Teacher is on mc... If i know i would've slept longer sia..N my neck hurts...I dunno why..So suddenly sia..I felt like i couldn't get up this morning sia..So heavy my head..Ok2...Suddenly my sentence structure became atrocious...Hmm...

Am missing somebody right now...I really am...Hmm...Every second the love grows..It just keeps growing and growing and growing..I love the person soooo much...I didn't regret having to meet such a wonderful person like u...I didn't regret bringing someone like u into my life..U gave me the light..Before u came,i was living in darkness..Noone was there to save me..Someone whom i wished would save me oso couldn't save me from that darkness...I was afraid...Afraid of being alone in the dark...Dark life..Anything was bound to happen...And YOU,whom i didn't expect to be there, were there to save me..To pick me up from falling...And i began to wonder why..Why u did that? Not tt i wasn't thankful about it,i still am, but who was i to u back then?Nobody...I was a somebody in someone else's life,but tt other someone didn't save me..Perhaps tt other someone didn't know that i was in darkness...Tt someone was living a happy life by then to know about my life..Baby,do know that i truly love u and would do anything for u....I will never ever take u for granted..I will never do tt to u..I miss u so much and i love u too much to let go...

To that other someone who was sms-ing me yesterday night,im truly sorry for all that i had done to u..I noe it hurts,bt i dun want us to end just like tt..And about what i told u yesterday,im so sorry for keeping it from u for a long time...I didn't noe how to let it out to u..I know u've had a hard time of late and i dun wana add on to it..But i guessed i had done so already... Im truly sorry..Please forgive me...This week,tts all...I duno if i can make it back...But wateva it is,i love u..And im truly sorry for all tt i had done...

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

I miss u....

2005-03-07T11:34:00.000+08:00

At Bedok cc now wit my dearest oyah..Accompanying her to apply for her school and stuff n also to kill time...Had a HUGE fight with dad yesterday and i dun think i wana talk about it...I was just super pissed at him..He called and started screaming at me...Supposed to go out with the family,but i end up going elsewhere..I dunno..Seems like i been drifting away from the family..Mebbe cos i ahven't been spending much time at home...Always been out...Always...and back late at night..Been having late nights...Haiz..I really am drifting from the family...I no longer noe wad goes around in the family..Perhaps should spend more time with them since time is getting shorter...But i also wanna spend time with that other someone..I miss that someone sooooo much....Am waiting to meet u...

Anyway,supposed to have my cds meeting today at 1....But i can't make it..I have sth up...SIP briefing today..But i ain't going too..I just didn't have the mood to step into school and furthermore...I m missing that someone badly..Even when i m with that person, i feel so far away...Haiz...

Anyway,accompanied naz to idah's place on sat...Naz needed to do her project..So,there we were...Wanted to sleep.but i can't..And i so dunno why..

Baby,i miss u soo much...I really am...Wanna spend the rest of the time with u...Haiz...Ooops...gtg..sis needs my help....Sorry to mus bab tk dpt attend the meeting today..Guess,there's other more impt thing to do n settle....

To nad,well..jgn ilang lama2 k?will meet u on wednesday at least..Join tauz...jgn tk join..salam to halwa...

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

Sudah, maafkan ku..

2005-03-02T20:12:00.000+08:00

This is to the one who has written sth to me in te fella's blog... Gerl,i m truly sorry for neglecting u these days..I noe alot has happened between us,but i dun wana break this bond that we had created since day 1 of school...Someone who always end up in the same boat with me... I really am guilty for all that has happened... And i assure u that it will not happen again..I m always one call or sms away if u need me..PLEASE remember that..Perhaps,things around us changed...But i too duno how to say it..I duno what is the right thing to do and what is not right... Me n ur other fren seems to be drifting too...Been quite some time since i talked to him...U noe who he is... I duno why we seemed to be drifting when we're supposed to get well much better...Haiz...Once again,i m truly sorry for all that i had done to u,be it intentionally or unintentionally....Please forgive me...

To pinky..Haiz....I read ur blog entry...First and foremost,congrats on the 'o' level results... I'm sure many people is proud of u...Abt ur prob with ur frens,well..I m tryin hard to not get involved,but it looks like prolly,i have to step in...I dun want u to ruin ur many years of frenship just like that...It's hard to maintain frenship and lemme tell u that i nearly lost one... I nearly did and itsucked alot...It sucked o the core... I dun want u to feel that wa..Trust?Well,tell me,wad do u noe abt it....Hmm..... And btw,u said,u're outside my heart,but lemme tell u that u r stil inside...No doubts about that..No matter how much u hurt me,u r still in my heart...Haiz...

To that other someone..I noe it's not easy to accept this reality..It never was easy for me...I duno why i can encourage ppl,but not myself..I duno why..I really dun..Haiz...I can't seem to give myself some encouraging words...And i gave up..I gave up hope on everything...Haiz...I made u tear sooooo much..But i didnt intend to make u tear..It wasn't intentional...I dun wana leave...I really dun..But i gave up..Gave up looking for the right solution..I gave up..Haiz... U were and will alawys be my pillar of strength...I loved u too much to let go...But looks like i got to..Haiz...I can't even bring myself together to complete what i wana say to u.... :'(

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

Sesalanku hanyalah untuk mu sayang...

2005-02-21T15:25:00.000+08:00

So many things happened the past few days...Sad things i mean..
Firstly to my dear,i noe u wun read this cos u dun do tt...But in kes u read it one of these days to fill ur boredom,i wana tell u tt i m so sorry for all that has happened between us the past days.. It was bad..Really bad...It hurts..It really does..It hurt me so much,but i guess i was just being selfish..Being bold so as not to think of how u feel..I was really out of my mind..When i was sent out of the house,i teared...Teared so much till i cannot stop...I duno where i should go and what i should do..I was hungry,but my wallet was totally empty...U noe wer it all went right?Haiz...I really am so sorry about it..My biggest mistake was to have hurt u soooo deeply...I m so sorry once again... I should've understand u..But looks like i didn't..I broke ur heart with my actions..And went u walked away without saying a thing on saturday,i realised that i shouldn't let u walk away just like tt..I dun wana lose u..Not now,not ever...U have been my pillar of strength..My shoulder to cry on and i really love u for that..I am sorry... That was why i went after u..Although i was still hurt abt wad had happened,i really cannot be thinking of myself at that point of time..Either i go with my ego and lose u forever,or i forget abt my heart and win u back..And i hoped i had won u back..I really hope so..Altho we are back on the track we were before,i hope that i managed to win u back..I hope u wun leave me..It's not the time yet...I dun have tt long anyway..Please....I really really love u alot..Love u too much to let u go...
Although this heart of mine already broke,just ignore it..Dun think of how to mend it back..Like i said,it takes a long time to mend a broken heart,but it takes words to break a mended heart...My heart was back at one when i found u..It was..It broke too many times cause of some people..But i dunno how u managed to do it...How u managed to put it back in one piece...And tt is why i am afraid of losing someone like u..."i'l never break ur heart" ever again...Hope that the tears will make us closer in one way or another ok?I am so sorry once again..I still feel VERY VERY guilty..Please forgive me...I hope u would... We've made it this far and i dun wana let go just like tt.... "Barulah aku mengakur...cinta kita telah musnah..."
Anyway,i been sooo stressed up with all these projects deadline...I feel so dead already..Lack of sleep and i haven't been eating well..Haiz..Kena gastric yesterday and it was TERRIBLE... Haven't been taking care of my health tt much..
Today i was off to changi hospital this morning..Ayam met woth an accident yesterday and i was damn surprised with the news..It was bad..Seriously bad...He injured too many parts...But despite all the injuries and all the seriousness,he can still crack up some jokes to make us laugh...Wad a guy...It was a hit and run accident...Heard his skull had a hairline crack and his dunno wad at the leg putus..I pity him alot..His face all so bengkak sia...Hope u wud get well soon k...Will try and see u as often as i can at the hospital...Cheer up...Though the food in hospital sucks..Haha!Now u cannot smoke...Wahahahahhahaha! Ok2..Sorry....I was kidding...Get well soon bro..Salam from all my kakak2...

"Engkaulah lambang cinta..Karam tragika..Aku;ah dibahtera,cinta tragika..Barulah aku mengakur,cinta kita telah musnah........."

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

Betapa sakitnya, hatiku ini

2005-01-28T10:58:00.000+08:00

Boo! A very big hello to readers of my blog... Firstly,sorry for the long silence aight...Well,i noe i been silent lately oso... Ahakz! Been busy and all uh... Anywho, had my surgery last wednesday..It went well and therefore i m still here kicking and alive.. For those who didn't expect me to still be kicking, too bad...Looks like HE wants me to still haunt u.. Ahakz...

Anyway,just had my breakfast..I m so full now sia... All i had was one piece of prata...Haiyoz...

Yesterday was bad for me... Really bad...First the stitch hurts..Then,haiz...Wad a life.. Where was everyone when i needed someone?WHERE! Haiz.. Where was a shoulder when i really needed one? Haiz...
Apa salah aku sehingga kau memperdayakan ku? Apa dosa ku hingga kau mempermainkan hati kecilku ini? Sampainya hati mu melukai ku buat berjulang kalinya.. Hadirnya dirimu telah memberi ku kebahgiaan yg teramat sekali...Tetapi tegahnya dirimu melukaiku dgn cara mu itu..Kenapa?Kenapa kau harus mempermainkan perasaan ku? Why?Why? U've hurt me a million times,but i kept mum...I really did.. I didn't wanna blame u for all that has happened...I never will balme u too...But i dunno what's wrong this time...Why my heart not able to accept u back.. Accept u and place u at where u used to be... Im so sorry angel,but looks like u no longer own tt spot in my heart... U've misused ur position in my heart... I placed u in a very fragile and secured palce in my heart,but u've misused it..U've misused my trust too..
I dun blame u for all tt u did... I never will,but it hurts me so much that i cannot do anything...My heart controls it all..One thing for sure...Do remember and do noe that i have never and will never regret the time i loved u... I never did....

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

2005-01-15T13:33:00.000+08:00

First and foremost, HAPPY BELATED BDAE to aishah who turned 20 on the 14th of January 2005.. Finally legal in the clan huh? Well,may you have a great life ahead...I noe it's waiting for u ahead...Make ur way up to get it aight? We have known each other for a long time and u have done alot tt i cannot repay..Not say i cannot,but i duno how..May this bond which we created long ago lasts till eternity although we duno wat'll happen in the years to come...

Next, to tt someone... U told me yesterday tt u wanted to run away from ppl... I wun stop u...Go...Go ahead... Quoted from a movie "Run away from all troubles and run towards ur happiness".. Go ahead and run if u feel that u will be heading towards ur happiness...But if u think tt u wanna run from trouble just for the sake of running,lemme tell u tt u better not..Cos if u run for the sake of running,it'll bring u nowhere..Instead all that u ran away from will eventually return and haunt u more.. And the feeling is gonna be worse i tell u... So much more worse than it is now..But that doesn't mean u can do wad u did yestd..Not say i scoldin u or wad..It has happened already and it's ur choice. But gerl,i m here to remind u that wad u did does not solve all that u r running away from..It doesn't..Tapi,like i said...it's ur choice..U can choose wad u want and wad u dun wanna do. No matter wad,i will always be here... *winks*

Hmm.... Now abt me.. Well,wad can i say? Been having lack of sleep lately... So cannot sleep... Troubled mind leads to a troubled heart which will lead to a troubled soul causing no sleep.... So wad can i do?No matter how heavy these eyes of mine are,it just wun close...I cannot bring it to close... Each time i do so, tears flow... Tearing to sleep every nite is not an interesting thing to do..It never was and never will be..

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

...Sepi dilanda resah...

2005-01-05T19:28:00.000+08:00

"Sepi, di landa resah..Hati makin gelisah"

I am HUNGRY!!!!! I'm still in school...Supposed to be doin my opentech,but i gave up.. I really cannot get any output and it is soooo pissing me off...So,i gave up on tt...

To artika,tho u wun read this,but i just wanna wish ya a happy belated bdae... May u have the greatest life ahead...

Met nadirah this morning...Got back my ring and bracelet... Yiipeee...!I didnt remember abt the bracelet at all sia...But tanx yah....

actually i duno wad else to say..will say more wen i noe wad to say...toodles....

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

...Seteress...

2005-01-04T16:33:00.000+08:00

Dawn to dusk and dusk to dawn.All i did was sat there in pain.Eyes full of tears,heart full of sadness.My heart broke again.It's not once,not twice.I lost count already. What have i done wrong to u?Wad did i do to u till u do this to me?Do i really deserve this?Maybe i do,but maybe i dun.For all tt has happened,i do not blame u.I have never and will never blame u in any way.Trust me my dear.Haiz...

To the other someone,im so sorry to have made u feel the way u did.I told u i had no intentions of doin so and let out wad u had told me to.Apparently it brought fear to u.Fear tt i myself can never imagine.It hurts me seeing those tears in ur eyes.I wanted to cry,but still kept tt smile up. Who knows my smile can stop those tears of urs from rolling down ur cheeks.I wanted to hug u,but sth stopped me. I really cannot bear to see u in tears.It just hurts me so much.But i really hate myself for bringing those tears to u.Sometimes,some things can never be changed. What has happened has happened..No way we can turn back the hands of time. But please,if anything were to happen,help me keep to tt promise tt i ask u to make.If u think tt the promise is too much for u,then tell me..Tell me before it's too late my dear.I really dun wana burden u to things tt u can't do.

Anywho,saposed to be doin my opentech,but i can't...My mind is so not with me...I really cannot concentrate to a single thing.Am saposed to be replying to some ppl's mails,but like i said.My mind ain't with me...I really can't think of what to say. Haitz....

To tt someone,if u noe who u are...Werdup with u these days?U seemed off..But like i said to u earlier if u need someone to talk to,i am only one sms away... Chill beb...Term test is round the corner...Do concentrate on school k?

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

Aku bosan....

2004-12-27T11:56:00.000+08:00

Hello my fellow comrades...Ahakz! Im in school now...Tgh kebosanan dan tgh pikir whether i should go for my lectures later..Macam malas pun ader,macam rajin pun ader gak...Somebody save me can?

Anywho,my weekends...Hmm...Went to nora's chalet...Then i had to go home to attend to some family shit...Haiz... There's oways something to ruin the fun tt i m having... What the heck... Sunday...Hmm...Ouh nora's chalet was on sat... And on sunday..Let's see wad i did... Ouh,i went dating... Ahakz! Went to grab some bite with someone... And wen i got home i was SUPER full... And all i ate was some noodles... I no longer big eater uh..No matter how hungry i am,i tend to eat very the little... Wen i came home, i was complaining away to the one who was talking to me on the fon...Sorry beb,but i can't help it...I was super duper full uh...Ahakz...

Ouh this reminds me... Yazid was acting extremely weird last sat..Suddenly all so mushy and stuff.... "Wads the use of having eyes if i can't see u...Wads the use of having a heart of i can't love u.." Tts wad he said...It sorta freaked me out tho...And he started saying like "Yes dear,anything the matter?"...Awch... I was soo freaked out... He has been wanting to meet me for a long time,but i just ignored...Ahakz... Dun wana get in a serious relationship yet...Not ready yet... Im still in love with someone else...Waiting for someone who can open up the door to my heart and one who is willing to stay there...Awwww.... Ahakz....Gosh..Im soo bored....

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

ARGH!!!!!

2004-12-22T19:23:00.000+08:00

I am still in school at this hour and for your info it is 7.22pm now... Wondering wad im doin here? Ahakz! Actually nth much...Slacking ard...Got too much free time i sapose...Actually i got other things to do,but ma mind ain't here for me to b doin all tt... So wad d heck rite? Dunno uh... I oso dunno wad to do...My life ain't tt good uh...Been troubled of late... But haiz... No matter how much i try nt to think of it,it still comes to my mind just lyddat... It wun leave me alone and i m not happy about tt...

Argh!!! Im in skirt today u noe... Kak long punye pasal... I have to uh... Ahakz...to fulfil one of her wishes.... Wattodo...Kak long lah katakan... Anywho,had lunch with em tadi...Yeah,finally told her the truth... Ahakz...She was surprised tho..Ahakz....Sorry ye kak long kiter simpan lama2... Jgn kecik hati tauz...Dunno how many times i say sorry ready... But what the heck k....

To shahnaz, i noe u wun b reading this,but wad d heck...Aku ucapkan kau slamat pergi dan slamat balek.... Jgn lupa aku biler kau pat sana...And most importantly,not so impt actually, jgn rindu aku tauz... What's impt is tt u bring me my souveb\niour from there tauz... Tkmu lupa..Ahakz.... See u wen u're back aight.... I bid u my greatest farewell..Ahakz....

To those reading this, why the hell are u reading this? Ahakz....I'm kidding... Bare with my nonsense k... I am just destressing myself.... Hope u understand...Tanx for the great understanding... Argh!!! I start at 8 tml...Will b with my kak ani from 10-11...Tight schedule tml uh...Haiz... I doubt i'll have time to have lunch...Kesian aku..Nmpknya kenalah aku 'puasa' esok......kesian kan?Ahakz...Gtg...Peace outz....

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

I miss u!!!!

2004-12-21T15:23:00.000+08:00

This life has been more or less complicated for me of late... With all tt has happened around me and all... Guess it's the time of the year...It has arrived.... AGAIN...

Anywho,let's see what i have been doin of late...Well,been rather busy with school stuff actually..But nevertheless i still mangae to squeeze some time to destress myself... Went to compass point last sat afternoon wid naz,aishah,yus,idah and zaima...And all 6 of us squeezed into nad's car...naseb muat...Al maklum...Semua badan cute2... Tanx nad... Walked around and bought the frame tt we were sort of looking for to give her on her chalet...
After we bought wad we needed,we took 27...Intended to alight at tampines,but someone came up with this bright idea to continue the journey to the airport...So,since it was still kinda early for us,we decided to head for the airport..And furthermore,yus said it's been long since she last went there...Zaima didn't join us tho... So,as we were there,i saw arif and he thought i was some kind of gangster...Damn him...Saw nurul too,but i didn't talk to her cos i was on the phone with someone... Well,someone spoilt my day when i was there... But forget abt tt...We only walked ard T1 cos aishah gtg... So,we took 27 back and alighted at tampines....

After which aishah n naz went back,yus oso went back...Left me n idah..And she was like askin if i wanted to go home and obviously i shook my head...It wasn't even 7 then...So we decided to take a stroll in TM for awhile and we did... I reached home late tt night...But it was before 9...Dah kena marah,balek terus uh...Not kena marah dgn parents...Kena marah dgn kakak aku tu lah...siapa lagi..Ahakz...!

On sunday,surprisngly i was home the whole day...Now tt's sth surprising... Woke up near noon,then watched hindustan,bathed and then continue tgk crita tamil..Both of it were nice shows...Initially i wanted to go parkway,but couldn't find anyone to go with me...Simply cos i didn't look for one..Usually someone is bound to call n ask me out..But not tt day... Idah called me tt nite and was surprised to hear tt i was at home... So i told her tt i had wanted to go out but couldn't find a mate to go with, dah kena marah sebakul....Ahakz!

On monday,i was out since early morning...Settled my dad's business license for him which has been terminated...I had to talk to the officers to ask them to help revive the business...Tts why lah...Nexttime ppl send letter ignnore somemore...See wad happened...My dad just dun learn his lesson..Then aku pulak tu yg kena g bebual dgn officer2 tu...They were unable to help at first,tts wad they told me, but me always good in my words manage to change their mind..Haha! Still cannot imagine tt i talked to them the way i did..Like some kind of pro lyddat...But padahal,abuk pun tkda...Haha! Then i rushed off to meet nana...Had breakfast cum lunch with her at yasalam which was then joined by shahnaz at ard 12+... Then at 1+ we left and off we went to tampines coffee bean...Had a gatering with my primary school mates...We talked and talked and recalled of past incidents...It was funny of how we put it... haha! Then met aishah and idah at tamp int and off we went to s-11 to eat..Had the rojak mama there... Then met up with yus at the mrt station and then off to tm...Me and naz accompanied them to buy their movie tickets and all since we thought tt it was still early to go home...
Haha! I punked yus,idah and aishah on tt day... I told em i wasn't goin for nora's chalet... Idah's facial expression changed on the spot... It was damn obvious... She pulled a VERY VERY long face and even aishah noticed tt too..Suddenly she became quiet...Tried to ask her to smile but it didn't seem to work...So,when i was home, i msg idah to call me... And she did... And i told her tt i was kidding only and suddenly she started to cheer up..Haha! Told nora i wasn't coming..She sounded disappointed,but...Haha! Kiter jumpa d chalet awak ye kak long...Ahakz..! Broke the news to aishah n yus during lunch just now abt me kidding tt i wasn't goin..Haha! they laughed... Haha!

Damn..im saposed to b doin my research n i havent done anything..Ahakz..I'll come back tml...Toodles....

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

Hello!

2004-12-09T13:35:00.000+08:00

How long have i been gone??? Must be damn long..Felt like ages ago i last did this...Ppl been askin me to update...Sorry peepz.... I ain't got time yet tt time...But now i like very very free although i start school already....

Kaoz...First week of school and i already feel sooooo lazy to go for my classes... Didn't go for the one this morning and m not goin for my cds too.... Gawd...Am i good or wad..heez... Dunno how many classes i skipped already mann.... No matter how tight my schedule is,i always made is sooooo slack sia....

Anyway,went to send ahmad tadi...Looks like the school's gonna b quiet for quite some time now.... Sent him off with my driver,nad, and my secretary,nurul....wahaha...then went to eat at afghanistan and then nad dropped us off in school... Tanx dear..Wahaha!

I dunno wad to write already..will update again when i noe wad to write....Peace to all!!!!

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

Rahsia Solat

2004-10-23T14:06:00.000+08:00

Kita sembahyang lima waktu sehari semalam tahukah kita setiap perbuatan yang kita lakukan semasa sembahyang sebenarnya ada rahsia disebaliknya.

1. Niat Sembahyang:- Sebenarnya memeliharakan taubat kita dari dunia dan akhirat
2. Berdiri Betul :- Fadilatnya ketika mati dapat meluaskan tempat kita didalam kubur
3. Takbiratul Ihram :- Fadilatnya sebagai pelita yang menerangi kita didalam kubur
4. Fatihah :- Sebagai pakaian yang indah-indah didalam kubur.
5. Rukuk :- Sebagai tikar kita didalam kubur
6. Iktidal :- Akan memberi minuman air dari telaga al-kautsar ketika didalam kubur
7. Sujud :- Memagar kita ketika menyeberangi titian sirotul mustaqim
8. Duduk Antara Dua Sujud :- Akan menaung panji-panji nabi kita didalam kubur.
9. Duduk Antara Dua Sujud ( akhir ):- Menjadi kenderaan ketika kita dipadang mahsyar
10. Tahiyat Akhir :- Sebagai penjawab bagi setiap soalan yang dikemukakan oleh mungkar dan nangkir didalam kubur.
11. Selawat Nabi :- Sebagai pendinding api neraka didalam kubur
12. Salam :- Memelihara kita didalam kubur
13. Tertib :- Akan pertemuan kita dengan Allah maka peliharalah solat

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

Kelebihan Sembahyang Terawih

2004-10-20T16:05:00.000+08:00

Di riwayatkan oleh Saiyidina Ali (r.a.) daripada Rasulullah S.A.W., sebagai jawapan dari pertanyaan sahabat-sahabat Nabi S.A.W. tentang fadhilat (kelebihan) sembahyang sunat tarawih pada bulan Ramadan:

Malam 1:
Keluar dosa-dosa orang mukmin pada malam pertama sepertimana ia baru dilahirkan, mendapat keampunan dari Allah.

Malam 2:
Diampunkan dosa-dosa orang mukmin yang sembahyang tarawih serta kedua ibubapanya (sekiranya mereka orang beriman).

Malam 3:
Berseru Malaikat di bawah 'Arasy' supaya kami meneruskan sembahyang tarawih terus-menerus semoga Allah mengampunkan dosa engkau.

Malam 4:
Memperolehi pahala ia sebagaimana pahala orang-orang yang membaca kitab-kitab Taurat, Zabur, Injil dan Al-Quran.

Malam 5:
Allah kurniakan baginya pahala seumpama orang sembahyang di Masjidilharam, Masjid Madinah dan Masjidil Aqsa.

Malam 6:
Allah kurniakan pahala kepadanya pahala Malaikat-malaikat yang tawaf di Baitul Ma'mur (70 ribu malaikat sekali tawaf), serta setiap batu-batu dan tanah-tanah mendoakan supaya Allah mengampunkan dosa-dosa orang yang mengerjakan sembahyang tarawih pada malam ini.

Malam 7:
Seolah-olah ia dapat bertemu dengan Nabi Musa serta menolong Nabi 'Alaihissalam menentang musuh ketatnya Fi'raun dan Hamman.

Malam 8:
Allah mengurniakan pahala orang sembahyang tarawih sepertimana yang telah dikurniakan kepada Nabi Allah Ibrahim 'Alaihissalam.

Malam 9:
Allah kurniakan pahala dan dinaikkan mutu ibadat hambanya seperti Nabi Muhamad S.A.W.

Malam 10:
Allah Subhanahuwata'ala mengurniakan kepadanya kebaikan di dunia dan akhirat.

Malam 11:
Keluar ia daripada dunia (mati) bersih daripada dosa seperti ia baharu dilahirkan.

Malam 12:
Datang ia pada hari Qiamat dengan muka yang bercahaya (cahaya ibadatnya).

Malam 13:
Datang ia pada hari Qiamat dalam aman sentosa daripada tiap-tiap kejahatan dan keburukan.

Malam 14:
Datang Malaikat menyaksikan ia bersembahyang tarawih, serta Allah tiada menyesatkannya pada hari Qiamat.

Malam 15:
Semua Malaikat yang menanggung 'Arasy, Kursi, berselawat dan mendoakan supaya Allah mengampunkan.

Malam 16:
Allahsubhanahuwata'ala tuliskan baginya terlepas daripada neraka dan dimasukkan ke dalam Syurga.

Malam 17:
Allah kurniakan orang yang bertarawih pahalanya pada malam ini sebanyak pahala Nabi-Nabi.

Malam 18:
Seru Malaikat: Hai hamba Allah sesungguhnya Allah telah redha kepada engkau dan ibubapa engkau (yang masih hidup atau mati).

Malam 19:
Allah Subhanahuwataala tinggikan darjatnya di dalam Syurga Firdaus.

Malam 20:
Allah kurniakan kepadanya pahala sekalian orang yang mati syahid dan orang-orang solihin.

Malam 21:
Allah binakan sebuah istana dalam Syurga daripada nur.

Malam 22:
Datang ia pada hari Qiamat aman daripada tiap-tiap dukacita dan kerisauan (tidaklah dalam keadaan huru-hara di Padang Mahsyar).

Malam 23:
Allah subhanahuwataala binakan kepadanya sebuah bandar di dalam Syurga daripada nur.

Malam 24:
Allah buka peluang 24 doa yang mustajab bagi orang bertarawih malam ini, (elok sekali berdoa ketika dalam sujud).

Malam 25:
Allah Taala angkatkan daripadanya siksa kubur.

Malam 26:
Allah kurniakan kepada orang bertarawih pahala pada malam ini seumpama 40 tahun ibadat.

Malam 27:
Allah kurniakan orang bertarawih pada malam ini ketangkasan melintas atas titian Sirotolmustaqim seperti kilat menyambar.

Malam 28:
Allah Subhanahuwataala kurniakan kepadanya pahala 1000 darjat di akhirat.

Malam 29:
Allah Subhanahuwataala kurniakan kepadanya pahala 1000 kali haji yang mabrur.

Malam 30:
Allah Subhanahuwataala beri penghormatan kepada orang bertarawih pada malam terakhir ini yang teristimewa sekali, lalu berfirman: "Hai hambaKu: Makanlah segala jenis buah-buahan yang engkau ingini hendak makan di dalam syurga, dan mandilah engkau daripada air syurga yang bernama Salsabila, serta minumlah air daripada telaga yang dikurniakan kepada Nabi Muhammad S.A.W. yang bernama 'Al-Kauthar"."

Fadhilat Puasa

2004-10-20T16:04:00.000+08:00

* Umar ibnul Khathab r.a. berkata, "Orang yang berdzikir kepada Allah pada bulan Ramadhan akan diampuni dosa-dosanya; dan yang memohon kepada Allah pada bulan Ramadhan tidak akan kecewa.

* Puasa mengatur keseragaman ummat. Selama Ramadhan, umat berseragam dalam sahur dan berbuka, dalam bekerja dan beristirahat, serta dalam shalat, istighfar, dan bertobat kepada Allah. Lidahpun seragam dalam bertakbir, bertasbih, dan bertahmid sehingga tercegah dari kata-kata buruk dan menyakiti orang lain, menjauhi perbuatan keji dan munkar, mengisi hati dengan cinta kasih kepada sesama hamba Allah, selalu baik dan bersih lahir bathin, serta sabar meng- hadapi segala macam kesulitan hidup. (ulama)

* Imam Al Ghazali berkata, "Betapa banyak orang berpuasa yang sebenarnya berbuka, dan yang berbuka padahal ber- puasa. Yang berbuka tetapi sebenarnya berpuasa adalah yang makan dan minum, tetapi menjaga seluruh anggota tubuhnya dari perbuatan dosa. Dan yang berpuasa tetapi sebenarnya berbuka adalah yang lapar dan haus, tetapi tercemar anggota tubuhnya (dalam perbuatan dosa).

Di selubung rindu

2004-09-17T11:25:00.000+08:00

Heylo readers of my blog... Ahakz!
Yes! Assignment for ordb is finally over..Now up for the last assignment, tt is my cds assignment... Supposed to write a 3 page long report and i haven't done anything.. It is due on monday anyway,so it's ok... Been terribly busy lately... Stayed up in school and all uh... My mind was as messy as the erd tt my group and i had done for ordb.. And now tt it's over,the mess is still in my mind,but i'm trying to put the mess away slowly..

To my dear nadirah,sorry lah yesterday i wasn't of much help for ur english compo thingie... Was really busy trynna complete my project before the lab closes... So,didn't quite have the time to entertain u.. So sorry yah..

Ok,this is for kadir and yazid... First thing first,its such a coincidence tt the two of u raised the question on the same day.. And until now,i haven't said anything yet... It's not tt i dun like ya'll... I like both of u.. I really do.. Both of u are kind,thoughtful and caring.. And not to forget humorous... You guys can really make my day... You guys can really make me laugh my wits out... Nice to get to know ya'll... But thing is,i have to make a decision between the both of u.. And how can i do so if i like both of u? So far,i have only treated ya'll as friends and not more than tt... I dun even have the thoughts of treating ya'll more than just a fren... Well,maybe after ya'll raised the question then i start thinking and after much thinking,i just wanna say tt i'm sorry..I really am... It's hard for me to say no cos i dun quite know how to do tt... But i am forcing myself..I really am... I'm not prepared to commit myself in any relationship. To make it short,i'm not prepared to fall in love cos my heart is still broken.. And i can't bare to see it break again... I really can't..I'm so sorry and i hope ya'll understand and maybe we can still be friends... Close friends perhaps... Jodoh tu di tangan tuhan... So if one day i'm prepared then we'll see how things goes by then.... I'm so sorry once again..

Anyway,life is really torturous for me.. Having to see cat fights nearly everyday... Tt means i go out every nite cos i dun wanna see any cat fight... I'm sicka and tired of seeing all tt... I really am..Haitz... Been sick and yada yada yada.. Shall not elaborate on tt... Gosh,im supposed to be preparing for my ebm presentation later...So till then...Ciaoz....

Bila rindu...

2004-09-13T11:44:00.000+08:00

After long absence,i am finally here to update this thang after being told by people who are bored hopping to my blog only to realise that i had abandoned this thang..

It hurts so bad when the one whom you used to love and still do thinks that you no longer love the person...It's worst when they dun believe what you tell them... Ok..here goes..This is goin out to tt someone who tagged me but refuse to tell me who the person is. This i wanna tell you.. Why are you doing this to me? I think i know who you are,but my assumptions can be wrong. If u are who i think u r,read this..If u r not who i think u r,ignore this part... Please dun get it wrong about my msg the other day. It's not that i hate you and dun wanna be there for u anymore.. It's just tt i hate it when u do tt... Hate it when u did what u did... I have so far endured what u did,but it's just tt u didn't spare a thought for me. Despite the many years we've known each other,looks like u still do not know what kinda person i am. I hate it sooo much when people stop their sentences half way and u ALWAYS do tt. So far,i kept quiet about it and went with your ways. But this time round,i can't do it.. I was pressurised tooo much and you took the next step on ur own accord. I just wonder why isit you didn't spare a single thought for how i felt...For how i was really feeling. Why? If you think that u are hurting me,lemme tell you that u are with the way u treat me... The way u go about trynna put up with everyone.. Why isit you can't be urself? Why must you be someone else? Please... Try and change and be your true self and everybody will love u.

Anyhow, lately i've been very stressed up.... Projects and assignments and bla bla bla... Besides that,i have my own personal problems.. I dun get it why people get sooo mad over such small matters... And cos of tt, the bond created long ago shook leaving me stranded having to cope with all 3 parties... Haiz... Talked to someone out about this uh and tt person managed to cheer me up... But only for that point in time.. Lately,i been staying out late... Till the middle of the night... I didn't feel like going home after all that has happened.. Too much has happened... Too much for me.. Feel like giving up,but someone told me not to do so easily... HAITZ... What a life... I ain't getting anywhere further although things happened quite some time ago... Haiz....

Gosh...exams is in a few weeks time and i am not at all prepared for anything.. Hmm.. Anyhow,yesterday went over to my aunty's place after ugama.. Oooo... i met nina and i could hardly recognise her.. Saw her outside the mosque.. I saw someone smiling and i smiled and in my mind was like " who the heck is tt?" And i think she saw the blank look on my face,then she shouted out her name,only then i was like "Now i knoe where i met her". Ahakz! Spent alot of time at my aunt's place... Help my cousin shop for engagement clothes..And adha sms-ed me... Surprised though.. And trus i told him to message his beloved sister.. Ahakz...BACK TO MY STORY.. My cousin's getting engaged on the 27/11/04...The clothes is damn nice i tell u... Then she insisted on getting my baju raya for me too.. I was like "Woo...It's still early..". Then abg Is was like, we must grab this opportunity as they'll jack the price up once it enters the fasting month.. And my cousin saw this nice baju which cost like $390.. Wow! Wait a min,tts a lil' too high.. The she told me tt she can get a $200 diskaun,but still,after deducting,it still costs wow.... I didn't want but my cousin, her fiancee and her mum insisted.. And they grabbed the shirt and pushed me into the fitting room.. Haha! But it's nice afterall...

After that,we went to eat at Mak's Place at kembangan tt side... All in all there were 9 people... Including my uncle and my cousins too... One of the days wer we have a rare gathering... It's really hard for us to gather like tt.. The whole lot of us some more... Including my abg sdara's wife,kak ismah and abg is,whois btw, my cousin's fiancee... We chat and laughed and they were complaining on how stressed up i looked like... Gosh.. Didn't expect my face to show it all.. Ouh yes,now i remember who abg is talk like.. He talks like osman.... Yes,osman..My cds mate... Every single word sia... When he was talking, i knew he talked like someone and couldn't remember who..Now then i remember.... Ahakz... Anyhow,im saposed to be doin mafit...so i take my leave...hAHA! Before nad starts screaming at me....

2004-08-23T12:59:00.000+08:00

I feel so sick today..Dunno wad the heck is wrong with me..Dun feel well... Wanted to go and take mc but i didn't cos i was thinking of the stupid ordb lab test... Gosh... Somemore today is a long day..Wad the heck mann... One thing for sure,i'm gonna skip ma calculus lecture..Cannot tahan uh,tts y...Haiz...

Anyway,last friday,went to meet up with syla and fyza. Thot what only..But they gave me a bdae prezzie...Thanks again guys..U made my day... My bdae wish didn't come true.Well i know it won't,but syla and fyza just cheered me up..They gave me chocolates..And belgian chocolates happen to be one of my favourite chocolates..Ahakz!~ Tanx again ya'll..So much for the mystery place huh?Ahakz!~

Then had dinner with ma family and old neighbour at 'simpang bedok'. Ate and ate and ate till i feel like vomiting,but still i continued eating...Haha!I'm so gonna get fat...Damn! But it's ok since someone said i lost alot of weight..Ahakz! On sat had ncc. Really didn't feel like going,but what the heck uh..I didn't wanna stay home the whole day... The sec 2 had rock climbing.. Then when they came back,i kena bashed by them. Bdae bash,tts wad they call it.Damn them... Then we slacked...As in me,adha,ziza and zakirah..Actually,i intended to just go straight home,but then these people wanna slack with me..So,what the heck lah...Slack until around 3plus..Sit,talk nonsense,laugh like we got nth better to do...But,we really had nothing better to do at tt point in time lorr...

Sunday,had wedding invitation at jb..Felt lazy to go,but then my mum werking,so i had to represent ma mum.Damnit!Thank god i didn't have to get up tt early...Came back ard 5plus lyddat...Down there,i ate and ate and ate sia...Seriously,i been eating alot these days...Really alot...But who cares... As long as i got the appetite...But thing is,my weight dun seem to be going up anymore..And these cheeks..Haiz...How i wish tt it'll be more chubby...Like now,it's so skeleton-ish... Seriously...Even my body weight goes up,these cheeks won't...Damnit...

sHOOTS...gtg.... Fren waiting for me ready..Tc guys...Peace outz!~ And yesh,nad,i noe it's too late to say this,but gd luck for ya driving..Biler dah pass,boleh lah ko amek aku and anta aku g skolah ye KAK?! Ahakz!

Happy BELATED birthday BUDD!

2004-08-20T14:35:00.000+08:00

Yeah..It was ma bdae yesterday... Thanks to all those who wished me... And thanks to those who has given me a present.. For those who haven't,i'm still waiting for one...Ahakz!

Yesterday,was saposed to be a gd day for me. Well,it was.. Surprised tt wati gave me a present. Aishah and idah too... And had this 'surprise' thingie... Aishah and idah had the honour of having dinner with me on my bdae..Today,would be my family..For all the others,lain hari lah eh...Hehe!Sorry... Ouh yes,it was ayam's bdae yesterday..And munir's one oso...Coolness...

Life so far,was ok...Yes..Ok is all i can say to describe how my life has been...Not tt bad,and not tt good. But,this is life...Sth i can't run away from. The more i try to hide,the more it haunts me. Hai...

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

Wee!

2004-08-10T15:43:00.000+08:00

Tests are finally over and i screw up all of it.. Wati's and yus's bdae today... Well, Happy birthday dudes... And ouh yes.. It's my dearest yaya's bdae too... Wee.. So MANY ppl bdae today mann.. And many more coming up.. Ahakz!~

Trip to KL was ok... Noticed i said ok.. Haha! Got lost on the road a couple of times,tts the thing tt made it fun... Gosh,im such a weirdo. On the whole,all i did there was eat,eat and eat. Now i feel myself getting fatter. I just can't seem to refuse the food there. It all seems soooooo nice. Looks like a must eat kinda food ya know. How to resist. Chocolates was also another thing tt made my day. Now,i think i really gonna get fat.... Argh!!! My dearest niece was there... My dearest Ira... She sooo cute i tell you.. Her smile,her chubby cheeks... Its sooo nice to pinch it. After so long,finally can hear her say a few werds. She's only 1,wadya expect rite? But,she's so damn cute... Tts all i gotta say about her...

Now,for tt someone.... I wish i could make you stay... But it seems like it's never gonna happen... Things that i did and did not do to u in the past,im so sorry my dear... I really am... I've really lost you now huh? Well,haiz...Nothing much i can say... I want you to stay,but it's not like you want. Lead a happier life my dear.. May god shine the light on you....

Di Selubung Rindu

2004-08-10T15:40:00.000+08:00

Sejenak aku merenung kisah silam
Bila aku menanggung apa ada di dalam
Berakhir sudah epilog cinta kita
Permata hati membawa diri

Berat sungguh bagi diriku
Mana arah dan mana tuju
Segala gala tak menentu
Diselubung rindu

Walau pahit kutelan sahaja
Namun di dalam merasainya
Apa dibuat serba tak kena
Pastinya kecewa

Aku terus melangkah pergi
Bertemankan sekeping hati
Dipenuhi ranjau berduri
Sakit pedihnya tak terperi

Di satu sudut ku terdampar
Gelora sudah ku sedar
Semua kerana peristiwa itu

Termanggungku di perantauan
Tersesat ku di persimpangan
Yang nyata kita berjauhan
Buat selama lamanya
Putus kasih putus segala
Sering kali kau ungkapkan
Kuturuti apa yang engkau hajati
Biar aku menanggungnya... sendiri...

She Will Be Loved...

2004-08-04T16:17:00.000+08:00

I never knew it was wrong to be kind. I never knew that being kind is returned by something stupid. Haiz... What a life...

Anyhow,Monday,went to kembangan plaza with mus to check some computer stuff. After which we saw nora at kembangan court. Totally forgot that she was working there. From there we went to eat prata at a nearby stall,then she accompanied me to bedok town sec for some ncc matters. It was all done by near 3 lyddat. Then both mus and me headed for pasir ris where nad and suhana were studying. Darn..Had to drag my butt all the way there sia. Reached there,studied MAFIT. It was confusing though. What do u expect? I dun attend lectures,of course lah difficult. Went off at around 6.10 lyddat. Sapose to meet aishah and idah at bedok at 6.20,but heck..i was still at pasir ris at 6.20. On the way to the mrt station,saw wati and halil at the pasir ris park. Both seemed surprised to see me and only god knows why. So,i was late and decided to meet aishah at tampines int. So i alighted at tampines,leaving mus alone all the way to bedok.Hehe! Sorry mus... At tamp int,i was dead early.Ahakz! So,walked around for awhile. Saw many people (like duh). But what i meant was people i know. From fate,to Yasir,to Raymond,to Su and to ahem. Haiz... Around near 7,aishah and idah arrived. Chat for awhile before we were joined by nora. (Lagi skali muka dier). Chat and chat and chat and then off i went. To home of course. At home,i wanted to study,budden,this flu is just getting on my nerves. Kepala pae sakit. Tak boleh angkat seh. So i went to bed instead.

Tuesday,woke up at 7.30. Yes,tts early,i knoe.But what the heck k. Bathed and there i was sitting right in front of the tv watching cartoon early in the morn. Msg nad and she said she was still on her bed. So,i slacked. Then at 12,i think,she msg me and told me to fetch her at the int in 15 mins and i was like wtf. Haha! Cos i was still in my shirt and shorts. So i changed and met her at bedok. Then off we were to mus area to study. Intended to study ORDB,budden,close book half way. It was worse than MAFIT. At 6 lyddat we went to eat at yasalam and then headed for home. At home,i study like wanna die sia...Haiyoz...

Today's paper just killed me..It just shot me in the head...Yeah..Ya'll know what i mean k...No need to elaborate.. Waiting for time to pass by now... Haiz... Wondering what's up for me next...

Tinggal Aku Keseorangan...

2004-07-26T13:26:00.000+08:00

It's been some time... Some time since i last updated this. Somehow missed saying what i have to say here. Hmm.. So much has happened. I am very very confused about this life of mine.

So far, i've changed my perspective on some people. She isn't what i thought she was. No! I didn't judge her by her looks or what-so-ever. It's just something that she has done that piss me off.. But then,she proved me wrong.. At least for now.. Dunno if she really isn't what i thot she was or what uh.. It's hard to tell..

Saturday,had NCC meeting at HQ. Went down to school before tt. Met aishah,but ran into zaima and idah before tt.. Took copy card from aishah.. The weather was damn nice,tt i had to drag myself out of ma bed..On the way, saw farah. Joined the q with her.. Hehe! As we were on our way to school,sorta get to know more about her.. Interesting u know.. I have always liked getting to know more of people whom i already know or just got to know.. Parted at the bus stop.. Walked in alone and i feel soo awkward. Was in my uniform,tts why. Thank god i put on a sweater. It feels abit better lah. After taking the copy card,i went to HQ. Met this sec 1 Bedok Town gerl on the bus. I dun quite know her name. So yeah... We chatted... Haha! Yeah,i chatted to her without knowing her name..

Alighted the bus and parted ways with her,and then came my 'ex-husband'.. I knew i was late,but he dun seem to stop his conversation. Haiz.. By the time i left him, my bus left.. And so there i was waiting for the bus alone. Ten minutes felt like 30 minutes i tell you. Dunno why it felt soo long.. Bus came and there i was on the way to HQ. 10.35,Sophia called and said that she was already at the gate and i was like "Shit...I'm late"... Nth new actually. Arrived at HQ at 11. Actually neat 11. Everyone was there and their eyes were on me as i entered. Hehe! Meeting ended around 12. Went down to log branch to collect my name tag. Then,i left. Dunno why i didn't wait for the others. Usually,we'd wait for one another. But this time round,i didn't feel like waiting for anyone. At the junction outside HQ, i was approached by Faiz.. So,we walked to YCK int,i changed and we took the bus to Tamp.

I was there near 2 and aishah hasn't arrived. So i went to the toilet... And tt was where i lost my EzLink together with my NCC pass. DIE! Have not reported about anything yet. Didn't have the time to do it yet. Dunno what's wrong with me.. I kept losing things.. Kept forgetting things...Haiz... WERDUP BUDD!!!! I dunno. So,went to mkn with idah and aishah. Then we walked around. Saw SOOOOO many people... From mus, to liyanah, to the NCC group, to LiTing, to this bedok town guy and then to nad and farah... Yeah... Kinda frustrated though..Not tt i dun wanna talk to them,but it just ain't the rite time.. Lost all my mood...

After tt,i went to kak fizah's chalet.. Gave her a bdae gift and she was shocked..

Sunday was tiring.. I got backache sia.. For bending down too much... Damn... The the usual headache when i squat down for too long... Haiz.... And yes,running nose and ouch...My chest hurts AGAIN...Haizz.... Werdup mann...

Anyhow,everybody seem sick today and so not themselves... What telah happen to everyone? I dunno...

To nuraz.. I read ur blog? Did u say tt ur mum nagged at u for 15 minits and asked u to stop smoking? What the hell ya up to? You owe me an explanation now... And i mean an explanation...!

Should i still declare u as someone special to me? After what you've put me through.. After what you've done to me??? I want to,but my heart dun want to..What do i do? For the first time ever,i declared you as only a fren to someone who asked me abt you. I no longer know a thing about you. How can i tell ppl u're special to me when i know nothing about u? I dun even know why this mouth of mine said tt u r my fren... Haiz... Im disappointed in myself for no longer knowing who you are....

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

Left Outside Alone

2004-07-13T16:51:00.000+08:00

All my life I've been waiting
For you to bring a fairy tale my way
Been living in a fantasy without meaning
It's not okay I don't feel safe

I don't feel safe..
Ohhh..

[V1]
Left broken empty in despair
Wanna breath can't find air
Thought you were sent from up above
But you and me never had love
So much more I have to say
Help me find a way

[CHORUS]
And I wonder if you know
How it really feels
To be left outside alone
When it's cold out here
Well maybe you should know
Just how it feels
To be left outside alone
To be left outside alone

I tell ya..
All my life I've been waiting
For you to bring a fairytale my way
Been living in a fantasy without meaning
It's not okay I don't feel safe
I need to pray

Why do you play me like a game?
Always someone else to blame
Careless, helpless little man
Someday you might understand
There's not much more to say
But I hope you find a way

[CHORUS 2]
Still I wonder if you know
How it really feels
To be left outside alone
When it's cold out here
Well maybe you should know
Just how it feels
To be left outside alone
To be left outside alone

I tell ya..
All my life I've been waiting
For you to bring a fairytale my way
Been living in a fantasy without meaning
It's not okay I don't feel safe
I need to pray

Ohhh. Pray...
Ohh.. Heavenly father..
Save me.. Ohhhh..
Whoaooooaoooooo

[CHORUS 3]
And I wonder if you know
How it really feels
To be left outside alone
When it's cold out here
Well maybe you should know
Just how it feels
To be left outside alone
To be left outside alone

[OUTRO]
All my life I've been waiting
For you to bring a fairytale my way
Been living in a fantasy without meaning
It's not okay I don't feel safe
I need to pray...

I'm back!

2004-07-12T12:55:00.000+08:00

Ok...It's been a month since i updated this thang...Well,partly busy with school...But on the whole,i was just lazy to update... I no longer know what to say... I lost my werds already...Anyhow,school was ok...It's a bore as usual..Nth new about tt. Timetable sucks... Yeah..It really does... I start school at 9 all the way to 8 today. Sickening dun u think? Tml is another long day. I start at 9 all the way to 7. But wednesday is the best, 11-12.By right it should be till 3,but i managed to switch lecture groups.Nw tt one will depend on my mood. If i dun feel like going for the lecture then i won't come to school. Thursday is 9-11. And Friday is 9-4. There goes my timetable.

As for today,i skipped lecture..POM...It's a bore.. With nadiah in the lab now.. We both decided to skip lecture cos we were lazy... "www.malas.com" .Tt explains it all. We were both lazy.. One of the monday blues i must say.

Lemme recall how my life was the past few weeks..Lemme keep it short,simple and sweet k? It was disastrous... Yes! Very terrible for me.. I lost some people,i lost myself,i lost my mood,i lost my appetite n etc... Well,there were happy moments i must say,but it was temporary. Cos a broken heart is never able to heal so quickly and easily... Haiz...

Anyhow,got lotsa assignments due this week and i haven't done them... Gosh...Macam nak berhenti skolah gitu... Calculus is a pain in my ass... The teacher made it worst...Haiz...

2004-06-11T15:39:00.000+08:00

If u think that i am mad at you, lemme tell u tt i am not... All i needed was some space...All i needed was ur understanding to what i'm going thru... Why can't you see what i've been going thru? I dun mean to lose myself at you yesterday and the day before, but y aren't you giving me a chance to explain all tt? If you're mad at me, go ahead... I have always taken the blame for everything that happened and i will take it again... The broken relationship you had with him... I take the blame also ok? If tt'll really please you,i'll take it... Just do anything that pleases you ok? If u think u need me,then just find me...But i doubt tt'll happen again cos by now u must've hate me...So,what can i do right? Nothing i do seems to be right..It's all wrong...Haiz....

I'm losing myself again..Haiz...Budden,the sight of some people just make me smile from ear to ear.... Haiz....

Continued

2004-06-04T14:32:00.000+08:00

Haha! I realise sth..The previous post,i'm not sapose to stop there...haha! But then,now i can't remember what i wanna say... Never mind about tt...

Anyhow,yestd was total slack day...And plain boring...All me n him did was slack ard..I slacked till 5.15 then made my way home..He sent me and then i think he continued slacking till 10+..tts wad he said uh i think...

To aishah,welcome back beb..haha! aku tatau ape lagik nk ckp ngan ko...Aper yg perlu dicakap,sudah dicakap...haha! Enjoy ur holidays here then which involves tomorrow..*hint...hint*

To whoever else visiting my blog,have a nice day..Wahakz!~ Actually i dunno wad to say tts y...

Ouh yes,to nuraz....OI!!!!U OWE ME A STORY...Sorry lah yestd i didnt answer the fon..I chucked my fon somewer and didnt feel like hogging on the fon... But takkan u cannot sms me telling me the story kan??? Zengz tul...

Anyhow,im waiting for dad to buy me a fish tank..haha! I have this wierd liking for discus fish..they're soooo cute and adorable and colorful too..Haha!

Well,i've said enough...Peace outz ya'll...

ARGH!!!!

2004-06-03T11:14:00.000+08:00

I dunno y i been feeling restless lately...Been losing alot of blood too..Wahakz!~ Gosh,wad a way to lead my life..

Anyhow,aziza....HOW MANY TIMES MUST I TEACH U TO SPELL MY NAME???? Buddriah???Tts nt nice at all sia...u distorted my name..haha! It's either u put BADRIAH...or just plain BUDD..hahaha....yesh,i make a big fuss about my name...Cos it's MY NAME u see...Of course i'll make a fuss about it..hahaha! Well,i know tt u miss me...can't deny tt can u?? hahaha! Chill...

Life's been bored for me...Really bored sia...Nothing to do and nowhere to go... Everyday i yearn for someone to ask me out....Haha!Tts wad i've been doing these days.. Wait for an sms or a call...

Apart from tt,things have changed...My wonderful life has once turned upside down when that person i loved left me on the 'street' alone... I was lonely back then...I was really really lonely..I wanted to cry,but i smiled instead...Not wanting to let those tears out..No matter what i do,i never fail to put up tt smile of mine..Only i know if it's a fake smile or a real one...I was devastated...I didn't know what to do with my life anymore...Day and night i thought to myself..Why are you doing this to me? Is it because i never did understood u?Or isit because u no longer shine the light tt u used once did to me anymore? Then i thought again... Was it me or was it you who has changed drastically? Until now,i haven't got the answer.But i realised that i will never be able to find the answer..U usta make me smile to every werds u say...U usta make me smile each time i received a msg from u.But now?It's no longer tt way.. Each time ur name appears in my inbox,my heart beats faster and faster..Not because i'm more fond of u,but because i wonder what's the next critism's gonna be... I wonder how much more will i be hurt... Tts y my heart beats faster..At times,i didn't wanna open the msg, but i told myself..What happens if u need me? What happens if u needed someone to confide in.? Tts when i had the courage to eventually open the msg... I noe tt i am no longer the gerl next door tt u usta knoe,but why must we part till this far? Why so far apart? Did u realise tt the gap is tooooo huge? Each time i wana get to u i would FALL...I'd fall cos apparently i have to jump so high to get to u..But it's such a disgrace,i nvr managed to get to u...Each time i think of u,my heart bleeds...Bleed sooo much...Cos u haven't taken out the knife tt u had used to stab me straight thru my heart...I'm still waiting...Waiting for u to undo what u had done to me...

U dunNoe ME no MorE

2004-05-28T11:28:00.000+08:00

I really fell in love with this song at my blog...Awwww.... What a song... HaIZ.....

Anyhow,nad's dad found out about her and her guy...She didn't tell me of course,tts nth new...So,i sms-ed her mum and asked what happened...Well,nth bad happened...According to her mum,she only got a warning..Sth like tt..But hey,at least nth happened...And for u...Next time u wanna go dating with ur guy,jgn lah p duduk tmpt tu.Dah tentu tau ur dad jalan situ time nak g keje...Duduklah blok lain...Biar jauh asalkan tak kelihatan...Not only u got into trouble...Ur mum pun kena seh....Eh,asal aku bebual bahasa melayu nie??? *teeeeeeeet*

Back to english...To my dearest ziza...Oitz! Didn't expect me to write about u huh? Well,i can write just abou t anything i want...So,i can oso write about u n azhar lah... The two of u really cartoon sia..Hahaha! Like everyday must fight one..No fight,no fun...Haha!What sia you all...If wanna fight oso,give some time off lah...One week twice enough lah...Dun go to the extend of fighting everyday..Yes,it is true tt people always say every fight makes u more fond of the other party...Budden right,if everyday fight,u're wrecking ur own relationship..Now tt u have found the one whom u truly love,cherish him...Treasure him... Dun always start the fight...Do u noe how much good times u would missed by arguing with him..Lets say u argue with him for an hour,did u noe tt if ya'll didn't fight ya'll can spend one hour cuddling each other instead? Think k gerl?Think properly before saying or doing anything..Hurt him enough ready...Pity him lah k...And one more thing,my name is spelt Nurbadriah...Got it?

To both aishah and idah,thank u in advance for the treat...Ahakz!~ And aishah,good luck for ur thing today and happy holidays to u...Dun forget my souvenior..wahakz!~.Get in touch with me when u're back...To idah,Happy slacking at home,now tt u're not werking..Haha! Make sure the next time i see u,u r two times of what u are now..Wahakz!~

To siti nadiah,lama aku tk jumpa kau ye?Aku tau lah kau rindu sama aku...Wahakz!~ Happy holidays to u also...

Wah...seems like soo many people i know going for holiday...My sista going KL on the 2nd...Ouh yes...Happy birthday to my 'adeq',haryati... And a Happy bdae to my 'ex-husband',rafi... Wahakz!~ May you guys have a long life and may god bless ur souls...

Gee...I'm dying of boredom already....I gtg ya'll..catch up with ya'll some other time aightz? See ya ard...

"It Only Hurts When I'm Breathing"

2004-05-27T12:24:00.000+08:00

Hope life's been good to you
since you've been gone
I'm doin' fine now--I've finally moved on
It's not so bad--I'm not that sad

I'm not surprised just how well I survived
I'm over the worst, and I feel so alive
I can't complain--I'm free again

And it only hurts when I'm breathing
My heart only breaks when it's beating
My dreams only die when I'm dreaming
So, I hold my breath--to forget

Don't think I'm lyin' 'round cryin' at night
There's no need to worry, I'm really all right
I've never looked back--as a matter of fact

And it only hurts when I'm breathing
My heart only breaks when it's beating
My dreams only die when I'm dreaming
So, I hold my breath--to forget

It only hurts when I breathe

Mmm, no, I've never looked back--
as a matter fact

And it only hurts when I'm breathing
My heart only breaks when it's beating
My dreams only die when I'm dreaming
So, I hold my breath--to forget

Hurts when I'm breathing
Breaks when it's beating
Die when I'm dreaming
It only hurts when I breathe

Dun take ur Love away from me.

2004-05-25T11:37:00.000+08:00

Hmm...Lemme see....When was the last time i did this?Haha!It was more than a month ago..Damn..Couldn't believe i abandoned this blog for more than a month...Pity my blog...Anyhow..I'm sapose to be checking all the banquet outlets in singapore..Haha!Sounds stupid right? But what to do... So...Wanna know how my life has been?Hmm...I'll make it short,simple and sweet...SUCKS...Haha! It's damn bored during the holidays...What am i suppose to do? Go out and chill?Yeah i can do that,but c'mon mann...Why chill when the pocket is empty???Tsk..tsk...Waiting for my allowance to come in..But have to wait for dad's pay of course...Haiz...Sianz...

Anyhow,went for breakfast with my sistaz today..Wahakz! I meant to say idah and aishah... Went to mac and eat...I was LATE! Wahakz!~ tts nth new from budd rite? But hey,yestd i cleaned my room and stayed home..Now,tts sth new...

Aziza called me out of the blue yesterday when i was cleaning my room...She sounded happy, while me on the other side sounded surprised..Wahakz! I mean,she dun really call me. And suddenly, *boom*...Who wouldn't be surprised right? THe next call i'm gonna get from her would be,wait a min...I doubt there'll be a next time..Wahakz!~ After awhile we hung up...And then *boom*, came a msg from her...She fought with azhar and i was like huh? I didn't say tt of course...She was like "he's crying" and i was like huh again...And of course i didn't say tt too..Dearie,if u're reading this,sorry yah..Not to criticise ur bf,but i was really like "huh" when u told me tt he was crying...Who would expect azhar to cry when he argue with u...Hmm....Anyhow,i think u guys better sit and talk lah...Tiffs are nth new in a relationship..Like i said, a relationship without tiffs are not relationships...C'mon mann..This is lyf my dear...Lyf without problems,is not life... So,chill...Dun think too much about it...I'm sure everything will be alright...

Hmm...i dunno why,but her mum and me have been sending messages these days...Mainly forwarded messages...Her mum yang start dulu...Now im gettin the hang of it...Of course it feels awkward at first...I mean..C'mon mann...someone's mum sending u messages early in the morning,in the afternoon and also at night...Wun u feel awkward?It's someone's MUM for goodness sake...But wahakz!i got the hang of it already..No worries..But it's just kinda wierd cos like i havent been sms-ing her much of late and she oso the same...But on the other hand,been sms-ing with her mum more often...Coolness bebey....

Anyhow,nad said tt the time-table's out,but then i can't check mine...But i expected it arh...Cos like Stats results not out yet mann...So,how u expect the time table to be out right?Wahakz!~ Stoopid me... Anyhow, idah and aishah ask me out on Friday...Go catch movie and everything would be on them...Coolness...But then right,i ain't so thick skin sia... Yeah..Yeah..I noe i always say when it comes to free things,budd won't object...But then right...I was implying on food lah...Other than that,abit tough to accept..Haha! Seriously...The previous time i went to catch a movie,someone paid for me...Tt one also i objected sooo many times,but they just went on to buy the ticket,so no escape ready...But once again i thank those people who paid for my movie ticket the other day...Tanx ya...And for those people who are about to pay for my movie ticket again,ermm....i dunno lah...Yes,i really wanna watch Shrek 2,but then it's not nice to make people pay for u,u see...Haha! I talk,talk,talk like as thought the two of em gonna read this..Wahakz!~ Stoopid me..Haha!

I realise sth..I wrote sooooo long already...Wahakz!~ Chill aight people... See ya ard..Love ya'll....

~**For You are the reason i chose to live,And now i am the reason for wanting to leave.**~

2004-04-12T09:40:00.000+08:00

Heylo...It's been quite long since i last updated this thing properly.
First thing first.
First, i dunno wat to do with my life anymore. Second, i dunno what to do with my life anymore.And third,i dunno wad to do with my life anymore. Amazing isn't it?It's all the same thing. So,the whole thing is, i dunno wad to do with my life anymore. Seriously,I always thought that this life is a blessing for me. No matter how bad and wrong things go, i would still tell myself that life is still a blessing. But now, it all seemed different. i tried telling myself that life is a blessing, but my mind no longer accept that.
I have been made a fool. Made a nuisance. i was being played around with and worse still,my feelings were being toyed around with. my feelings was being thrown around like a piece of rubbish. Does tt mean tt i am also a rubbish? I wonder... Why do people have to take me for granted huh? I did all i could, sacrifice all i had to make ppl happy and pleased,and this is what i get in return? No wonder ppl always say that life's unfair. And i keep telling them that life is always fair. But now i realise that it never was and never would be. I have been keeping quiet all this while. Havent been voicing out the pain within me. I now hate looking at myself in the mirror. i would no longer see myself. I only see a liar there. And that liar is my reflection which means its me. I see the eyes of a liar. I see the smile of a liar. One who hides the real tears behind that fake smile. So,u see now? Im a big liar. Been lying to myself all this while and nobody knows it but me. I hate ppl lying to me, yet i am doin that to myself. What is wrong with u budd? Fancy lying to yourself when u dun like others doin it. Haiz....

To all those people toying around with my feelings,i advice you to stop wadeva u r doing. Cos this time around, budd is no longer gonna tolerate any shit from anybody. Actually,i just say tt,but dunno if i can really not tolerate anything. We'll see abt tt. Hmm... But seriously,im not mad at the people who are toying around with my feelings..Im just mad at myself for allowing all this to happen..Haiz...Why did i let it happen to me huh?

For tt gurl..U take me as a big sis huh?Hmm..i know...Look,to be honest,i still am mad,but i kept it on the low. I dun want u to know...I dun blame u for it..Dun worry,i aint holding grudges against u. Just tt, the madness still lie within me...

2004-04-07T17:36:00.000+08:00

I AM SMILING ON THE OUTSIDE
THE PART THAT PEOPLE SEE
BUT INSIDE I AM CRYING
FOR US, FOR YOU, FOR ME.

MY TEARS COULD FILL AN OCEAN
THEY COULD FILL THE SEA
BUT NEARLY ALL ARE HIDDEN
SO THAT YOU CANNOT SEE.

YOU THINK I AM HAPPY
THAT EVERYTHING IS OKAY
I DON'T THINK I CAN CONTINUE
HURTING, FEELING THIS WAY.

I WISH WE COULD TURN THE CLOCK BACK
WE NEED TO START AGAIN
SOMETHING MUST BE DONE SOON
TO TAKE AWAY THIS PAIN.

WHY IS ALL THIS HAPPENING?
I DON'T DESERVE THE PAIN
I TRIED TO TALK, YOU WON'T LISTEN
NOT ONCE, BUT TIME AND TIME AGAIN.

YOU TAKE MY LOVE FOR GRANTED
AND THINK I'LL ALWAYS STAY
BUT THE WAY I AM FEELING
I WANT TO RUN AWAY.

I DON'T KNOW WHERE I'D GO TO
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'D DO
COULD I REALLY FACE
A NEW LIFE WITHOUT YOU?

SO, I'LL STAY AND TAKE THE SADNESS
THE HEARTBREAK AND THE PAIN
AND PRAY ONE DAY YOU'LL LISTEN
AND MAKE ME HAPPY AGAIN.

2004-04-05T19:36:00.000+08:00

I never asked for the sunshine
I never wanted the rain
I didn't ask for these feelings
And I never wanted this pain

I never asked for forever
I never wanted your lies
I never asked to be left with
These heart-wrenching cries

I didn't ask for the moon
I never wanted the air
I never asked you to love me
I never asked you to care

I never wanted to love you
I never wanted to fall
I never wanted to succumb
And give to you my all

I didn't ask for the world
Or for the heavens above
I never asked you for something
But I always longed for your love.

2004-04-05T19:03:00.000+08:00

I am totally lost..Lost in my own world...I can't find my way around...I can't find the map of my own world..It must've been blown away together with the broken pieces of my heart...Why isit soo difficult for people to just let me be who i am?Why? I know i've changed in many ways,but have you ever wondered why?Haiz...

For someone there,i do not know if i should trust you anymore...My heart can't take this shit anymore...I trusted you, and you broke it...Why are you doing this to me? Why are you breaking my trust just like tt? Do u think it's easy for me to put my trust on somebody? Wad fuck mann...Tts why i hate trusting people...I hate doing tt cos i'll never know if i can really trust tt person...Haiz...

To that other someone,well...Why are you saying thanks to me for? Seriously..About what i had said,well,if u feel tt some of my description goes out to u,well..I dunno..You know i wouldn't say it out anyway....U just take care and have a great life ahead..Remember wad i told u yesterday and when can u temporarily return my ring?Haiz....

A soulless soul lay before everybody,
putting up an act every now and then.
But nobody knows what she goes through,
and how her world came to an end.